Q. Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?
A. They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

Ironic Physics Point to Ponder: Why is being a physicist still considered uncool, when thermodynamic entropy is getting cooler all the time?

Q. What did the physicist say when he saw a guy who was about to jump off of a skyscraper?
A. Don't you it! You have so much potential.

Q. Why was the junior librarian reincarnated as a bookmark?
A. 'Cause he always knew his place.

Q. Where does the librarian nap during her break?
A. Between the covers.

Q. Why did the librarian join the police force?
A. 'Cause he wanted to work under cover.

Q. Why didn't the burglar break into the library?
A. He was afraid if he got caught, he'd get a really long sentence.

Q. Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
A. Because they're all in HIGH School!

Q. Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A. To reach the high notes.

Q. Why did the teacher send the chicken to the principal's office?
A. For using fowl language.

Teacher: I've had to send you to the principal's office every day this week. What do you have to say about that?
Student: I am so glad it's finally Friday.

Q. Why does a right triangle run the air conditioner so much?
A. Because it's always 90º!

Q. What did the math circle say to te rectangle?
A. Dude, you're such a square!

Q. What does a math geek call an empty parrot cage?
A. Polygon.

Q. Where do math teachers celebrate on New Year's Eve?
A. Times Square.

A book walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Please, no stories!"

Q. Why don't they ever serve beer at a math geek party?
A. 'Cause you can't drink and derive.

Q. Which famous physicist only drank one beer?
A. Einstein.

Q. How did the nuclear physicist mix cocktails at his party?
A. He used a pina collider.

Chem Lab Gossip of the Day: Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg!

Q. Why did the chemist concoct a laughing gas that also works as a laxative?
A. Just for shits and grins!

Q. What did the scientist say when he found two helium isotopes?
A. HeHe.

Q. What does a chemist's laboratory retriever do with his bones?
A. Barium.

And now as an intern, the young doc keeps them all in stitches.

Q. Why do scientists call Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?
A. 'Cause if you can't helium or curium, you barium.

Q. What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
A. The Nucleus.

Author Point to Ponder: If the pen is mightier than the sword, why do actions speak louder than words?

An anagramist walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "Why the clean fog?"

An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

Q. How did the cow get to the moo-on?
A. She launched into udder space!

Q. Why wouldn't the moon go to the sun's funeral?
A. Because it's not a mourning person.

Q. What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?
A. The apocaclipse.

Q. Why is history the sweetest school subject?
A. Because it's full of dates.

Teacher: Why was the era prior to the Medieval period called the Dark Ages?
Student: Because there were so many knights?

Q. Why did the Romanian guy stop reading for the day?
A. To give his Bucharest.

Literate Tip of the Day: Never judge a book by it's movie.

Did investigators finally meat their match?

Q. What is a caterpillar's favorite subject in school?
A. Moth-ematics.

Q. How do bees get to class?
A. They take the school buzz!

Q. How does a fish get to school?
A. It takes the octobus!

Q. What did the snake study in school?
A. Hiss-tory.

Q. How do cows do arithmetic?
A. They add one to an udder.

The Heineken Uncertainty Principal states, "You can never be sure how many beers you had last night."

Q. What kind of breasts did the blonde physicist have?
A. QuanTitties.

Q. Why do quantum physicists have the best sex?
A. 'Cause they know all the super positions.

Q. What did American physicists say to the US government after German scientists discovered how to split the atom?
A. Don't worry. There's other fission DC.

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