Q. What do you call interns at a cemetery? A. Grave trainees!   PainfulPuns.com - Old Never Die Puns, Old Age Humor, Old Jokes!

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Ape Chef Asks: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? How sad he ran out of thyme!
Two chemists walk into a bar. First one says: "I'll have H2O." Second one says: "I'll have H2O, too." He died.
Scary Pun: Speaking ill of the dead is a grave mistake.

 


Deadly Jokes, Old Age Puns, Morbid Humor
Get buried in kick the bucket humor, fatally funny puns, and jokes that go down hill from here.

Old Never Die Puns, Old Jokes, Deadly Laughs
(Because Lively Young Jokes Are TOO Mainstream and Old Meme Makers Never Die, They Just Go Viral!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Peril! Killer jokes, ageless humor, and puns that should be retired ahead.
| Old Never Die Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Zombie Joke and Undead Puns | Immortal Vampire Jokes |
| Deadly Cemetery Jokes and Graveyard Puns | Mummy Jokes | Ghost Jokes | Cannibal Puns |
| Profession Jokes, On the Job Humor, Occupation Puns, Work Laughs and Funny Career Jokes |

Q. How many necrophiliacs does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs!Q. What did the eye doctor say when he retired? A. And now, eye must take my leave!Gorilla Chef Joke: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!

Q. Do old Sasquatch hunter TV series ever die?
A. Yes, they die of boredom.

Old Bigfoots never die, or at least there is no evidence that they do?

Q. Do stale old jokes ever die?
A. No, they live on to be retold generation after generation.

Q. Do old mountain climbers ever die?
A. No, but they do go downhill.

Old hikers never die; they just trail away.

Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.

Q. Do old skeptics ever die?
A. There is no conclusive evidence either way, yet their future is doubtful.

Old sea captains never die. They just can't sea as well.

Old magicians never die. They just disappear!

Old light bulbs never die, but they do blink out.

Q. Do old barbeque pit masters ever die?
A. No, but they do get burned out.

Q. How did the old blowhard die?
A. He finally ran out of gas.

Deadly Groan of the Day: Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.

Old divers at Casa Bonita Restaurant never die; they just belly flop.

Q. How did the old fruit die?
A. It pear-ished.

One day, you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast!Q. How did the banker die? A. He cashed out!McCoy Says: Yes, Klingons do work out at the He's Dead Gym!

Q. What caused the death of the old blackjack player?
A. He just gambled his life away.

Old poker players never die, but they do go to pot.

Q. Why don't old lotto players ever die?
A. Because they're waiting for their number to come up.

Old poker players never die. They just cash in their chips.

Old bankers never die; they just want to be a loan.

Q. Why don't old accountants ever die?
A. Because they're so well-balanced.

Old investors never die. They just roll over.

Old cashiers never die; they just check out.

Q. Why don't tasteless old jokes ever die?
A. Because they're born in a gray area.

Old Trekkies never die. True story!

Old Ancient Aliens never die. They just move on to another world.

Q. Do old old astronauts ever die?
A. No, they just go off hitchhiking through the universe.

Old episodes of Star Trek live on in our hearts, and in sydicated reruns!

Q. What happens if you play Beethoven backwards? A. He Decomposes!Q. Why is there a gate around cemeteries? A. Because people are dying ot get in!Q. Where do Volkswagons go when they get old? A. To the old Volks home!

Q. How do old Top 40 vocalists die?
A. They get all played out.

Old pianos players never die, but they do lose their keys.

Q. Do old glass armonica players ever die?
A. No, they just lose their resonance.

Old musicians never die; they just go from bar to bar.

Q. Why did the old violin die?
A. 'Cause it became unstrung.

Q. How did the old grave digger die?
A. He was buried in his work.

Old zombies never die; they just smell that way.

Q. What happened when the old exorcist died?
A. He gave up the ghost.

Old vampires never die. True story!

Old Scotsmen never die, because they can't be kilt.

Q. How did the old automobile die?
A. It was driven into the ground.

Old car rental agents never die. They just go on until it Hertz.

Old chauffeurs never die. They just lose their drive.

Q. Why don't old auto mechanics ever die?
A. Because they're so well lubricated.

Old auto mechanics never die, but they do retire.

Q. What do Klingons do with the dead light bulb? A. Execute it for failure!Q. What is a serial killer's favorite day of the week? A. Die Day!Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? Sending olive my prayers to his family!

Old Trekkies never die. They just go on to another generation.

Q. Do old extraterrestrials ever die?
A. No, they just move on to another world.

Q. Ironically, what happens to old Cybermen?
A. They are deleted!

Old Star Trek pilots never die, but they do shuttle on to another plane of existance.

Old astronauts never die. They just travel to another universal realm.

Old detectives never die. They just go under cover.

Q. Do old policemen ever die?
A. Yes, they do eventually cop out.

Q. Do old arsonists ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their spark.

Old lawyers never die, but they sure do lose their appeal.

Q. Do old lawyers ever die?
A. No, but they lose their briefs.

Q. Why don't old religious wars ever die?
A. God, that's a really good question?

Old ministers never die. They just get put out to pastor.

Q. Do old rabbis ever die?
A. No, they just get a little gray at the temples.

Old preachers never die; they just ramble on and on and on...

Q. Do old rabbis ever die?
A. No, they just Passover.

| Old Never Die Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Zombie Joke and Undead Puns | Immortal Vampire Jokes |
| Deadly Cemetery Jokes and Graveyard Puns | Mummy Jokes | Ghost Jokes | Cannibal Puns |
| Skeleton Jokes | 2 | Monster Jokes | Haunted House Humor | Werewolf Jokes | Haunting Music |
| Profession Jokes | Astronaut Jokes | Baker Jokes | Banker Jokes | Chef Jokes | Chemist Jokes |
| Doctor Jokes | Electrician Jokes | Farmer Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Police Jokes | Plumber Puns |


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You've crypt along this far, so here's even more lethal laughter,
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More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Ancient Astronuts Jokes | Borg Jokes | Bigfoot Jokes | Bug Puns | Burned Out Ligh Bulb Jokes | Colorado Puns |
| Constipated Puns | Cyberman Jokes | Fit Puns | Hipster Jokes | Musician Jokes | Pirate Jokes | Psychic Jokes |
| Religion Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Humor | Sports Jokes | Travel Jokes | UFO Jokes |

Work Humor, Joking on the Job Sick Puns, Healthy Laughs Smart Humor! Science + Math = Puns
Monstrously Funny Puns Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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