Q. Why is there a gate around cemeteries? A. Because people are dying ot get in!   PainfulPuns.com - Old Never Die Puns, Old Age Humor, Old Jokes!

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Crappy Pun: Old Sewage Workers Never Die, They Just Waste Away.
Old Lawyers Never Die, They Just Lose Their Appeal.
Gorilla Chef Joke: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!
Old Milk Maids Never Die, They Just Lose Their Whey.
Old Horticulturists Never Die, They Just Go to Pot
Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.

 


Old Jokes, Oldster Humor, Old Never Die Puns
Get down with undead puns, hellish laughs, heavenly humor and deadly funny jokes.

Old Never Die Jokes and Deadly Funny Puns
(Because Lively Young Jokes Are TOO Mainstream and Millennials Don't Get These Old Never Die Jokes Anyway!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Dead pan humor, killer puns, toxic laughs and deadly legacy jokes ahead.
| Old Never Die Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Zombie Joke and Undead Puns | Immortal Vampire Jokes |
| Deadly Cemetery Jokes and Graveyard Puns | Mummy Jokes | Ghost Jokes | Cannibal Puns |
| Profession Jokes, On the Job Humor, Occupation Puns, Work Laughs and Funny Career Jokes |

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? You never sausage a tragic thing!Black Cat Says: Old bankers never die. They just lose interest!Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? His legacy is a pizza history

Q. How did the old snow plow driver die at the Continental Divide on Loveland Pass?
A. He just drifted off.

Good Old Groan of the Day: Old truck drivers never die. They just get lost.

Q. Why don't old truck drivers ever want to die?
A. Because they can always just get a new Peterbilt.

Q. Do old semi drivers ever die?
A. No, they're in it for the long haul.

Old numerical analysts never die; they just get disarrayed.

Old number theorists never die. They just get past their prime.

Old accounts never die because they're just deleted.

Old bookkeepers never die, but they do lose their figures.

Q. How did the old geometry teacher die?
A. He went off on a tangent.

Old anthropologists never die, but they do become a part of human history.

Q. What happened after the old cowboy actor passed away?
A. He rode off into the sunset.

Q. Do old cowboys ever die?
A. No, but they get deranged.

Old ranchers never die. They're just put out to pasture.

Old fishermen never die, but they do get reel tired.

Q. What do you call interns at a cemetery? A. Grave trainees!Vampire Says: Happy Die Day!Q. Where does a ghost go to take a nap? A. The dead-room!

Q. How did the old surfer die?
A. Dude, he wiped out.

Old surfers never die, dude! They just get board.

Q. Why did the old skindiver die?
A. 'Cause he lost his porpoise.

Old swimmers never die, they just kick off.

Q. How did the old swimmer die?
A. He had a stroke.

Q. Do old dry wall guys ever die?
A. Nope, they continue to hang around.

Old wall paper hangers never die, but they do get pasted.

Deadly Grind of the Day: Old sandpaper never dies. It just loses its grit.

Old dry wall guys never die, but they do get plastered.

Old plumbers never die, but they do go down the drain.

Did you know old baseball players never die? But, they just go a little batty.

Q. Why don't old basketball players ever die?
A. 'Cause they just go on dribbling.

Old quarterbacks never die. They just pass away.

Q. How did the old NFL football player die?
A. He crossed over into the end zone.

Old archers never die, but they do bow and quiver.

Green Alien Asks: Who performs a killer cannabis comedy act? A. The Grin Reefer!Hospitals report hearts of bankers are in high demand by transplant patients because they've never been used!Happy Noose Day!

Old painters never die, but they do get the brush off.

Old sculptors never die, but they do sometimes lose their marbles.

Q. How did the old sculpture die?
A. It got busted.

Q. How the old mason worker pass away?
A. He threw in the trowel.

Q. Why did the old brick mason die while working up on the top of the building?
A. He was mortar-fied of heights.

Q. What caused the death of the old surgeon?
A. He just couldn't cut it any more.

Old urologists never die, they just go along with the flow.

Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.

Q. Do old teachers ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their class.

Old students never die they just get degraded.

Q. What happened when the yachtsman unexpectedly passed away?
A. He merely keeled over.

Old sailors never die. They just sail into the sunset.

Q. Do old sea pirates ever die?
A. No, they just end up a drift.

Q. Do old sea pirates ever die?
A. Yes, when they get a little dinghy.

Q. Do old sea captains ever die?
A. No, they just drift away.

The 4 Stages of Life. !. you believe in Santa Claus. 2. You don't believe in Santa 3. You dress of as Santa 4. You actually look like SantaTwo chemists walk into a bar. First one says: "I'll have H2O." Second one says: "I'll have H2O, too." He died.Happy Hearse Day!

Q. Do old jewelry makers ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their shine.

Q. Do old gem cutters ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their sparkle.

Old gemologists never die, they just lose clarity.

Q. Do old candle makers ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their glow.

Old actors never die. They just drop apart.

Old salesmen never die, but they do go out of commission.

Old shoe salesmen never die, but they do get the boot.

Q. Do old underwear sales reps ever die?
A. No, they just lose their briefs.

Q. Why don't old magazine salesmen ever die?
A. Because they're always renewed.

Q. Do old upholsterers ever die?
A. No, because they always recover.

Q. Why don't old tanners ever die?
A. 'Cause they just go into hiding.

Q. How did the old upholsterer die?
A. He just couldn't recover.

Q. Do old blue jeans ever die?
A. No, they just fade away.

Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.

Q. How did the old hiker die?
A. He just trailed away.

Q. How do old atoms finally die in the end?
A. They decay.

Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.

Old chemists never die, they just lose their refluxes.

Q. What should you do if you discover a dead chemist?
A. Barium.

Old architects never die. They just lose their structure.

Old librarians never die, they just lose their frame of reference.

Old librarians never die, they just get re-shelved.

Q. How did the old librarian die?
A. She closed the book.

Q. Do old librarians ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their references.

Q. When do old newspaper editors die?
A. When they get depressed.

Q. Why don't old copy editors ever die?
A. Because they just rewrite the text.

Old typists never die. They just lose their justification.

Old journalists never die. They just get de-pressed.

Old kids never die; they just adulterate.

Q. Why don't old advertising execs ever die?
A. 'Cause their jingles are stuck in your head forever.

Q. When do old limosine operators die?
A. When they lose their drive.

Old car salesmen never die, they just go out of commission.

Old cars never die, they just get driven into the ground.

Old brakes never die, they just wear away.

Old auto mechanics never die, they just retire.

Old DMV driving test administors never die, but they do come to a complete stop.

Q. Do old bicyclists ever die?
A. No, but they do go downhill.

Q. How did the old dirt biker die?
A. He bit the dust.

Q. Do old hide-a-bed designers ever die?
A. No, they just roll away.

Old mattresses never die, but they do lose their spring.

Q. Why don't old hookers ever die?
A. 'Cause they just get laid up.

Old cleaning people never die. They just kick the bucket.

Q. Can old shoe makers ever die?
A. No, but they can lose their soles.

Old clock repairmen never die. They just run out of time.

Q. How did the old propane tank die?
A. It just ran out of gas.

| Old Never Die Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Zombie Joke and Undead Puns | Immortal Vampire Jokes |
| Deadly Cemetery Jokes and Graveyard Puns | Mummy Jokes | Ghost Jokes | Cannibal Puns |
| Skeleton Jokes | 2 | Monster Jokes | Haunted House Humor | Werewolf Jokes | Haunting Music |
| Profession Jokes | Astronaut Jokes | Baker Jokes | Banker Jokes | Chef Jokes | Chemist Jokes |
| Doctor Jokes | Electrician Jokes | Farmer Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Police Jokes | Plumber Puns |


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