Q. What is a serial killer's favorite day of the week? A. Die Day!   PainfulPuns.com - Old Never Die Puns, Old Age Humor, Old Jokes!

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Q. What is a detective's favorite day of the week? A. Why Day!
Pistol to Sun: Happy Gun Day?
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night!
Bloody Handprint Says: Happy Splatter Day!

 


Old Police Never Die Jokes, Dead Lawyer Humor
Say R.I.P. to old police puns, whacked out killer humor, ex lawyer LOLs and dead on crime jokes.

Killer Jokes, Old Criminal Humor, Retired Cop Puns
(Because Old Cops Never Die Jokes and Deadly Funny Crime Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Old Lawyers!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Cashed out bank robber jokes, broken down vandal LOLs, and beat cop puns ahead.
| Old Cops and Robbers Never Die | Old Sports Humor, Dying Athlete Puns | Dead Tech Jokes |
| Old Musicians Never Die Jokes | Old Farmer Jokes and Dead Grower Puns | Old Banker Jokes |
| Dying Actor Jokes | Old Chef Laughs | Deadly Doctor Jokes | Old Graveyards Never Die Jokes |

Q. How do you murder a salad? A. Go for the carrot-id artery!
 
Old Lawyers Never Die, They Just Lose Their Appeal.
 
Q. what is a serial killer's favorite day of the month? A. Fri-die the 13th!

Old police officers never die, they just cop out.

Old street cops never did. They just skip a beat.

Old traffic cops never die, they just go under the radar.

Old Colorado State Patrol officers never die, but they do drive off into the sunset.

Q. Do old lawyers ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their judgement.

Q. What do lawyers do after they die?
A. They lie still.

Q. Do old lawyers ever die?
A. No, but they lose their briefs.

Q. Why don't old lawyers ever die?
A. Because they threaten their doctor with a malpractice suit.

Old grave robbers never die; they just smell that way.

Q. Which hired killer never gets a prison sentence?
A. An exterminator!

Old serial killers never die because that's what soap operas are all about.

Old Mafia hitmen never die, but they do whack off.

Q. What do you call that feeling you get when you see a cop car in your rear view mirror? A. Cop sick shock syndrome!
 
Q. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. They just beat the room for being black!
 
When I came out of te gym, a cop asked me where I got that body. I said, "I don't know, I just opened the trunk and whe was there!"

Old highway patrolmen never die, but they do cruise away.

Old flat-footed cops never die, but they eo beat it.

Old Lakewood, Colorado cops never die. After they retire, they become HOA president so they can still bully everybody around.

Old undercover cops never die, but they do switch over to down blankets.

Q. Do old police officers ever die?
A. No. Their black suspect does.

News Flash! A man was shot with a starting pistol, then beaten to death with a relay baton. Police believe it may be race related.

Q. How many policemen does it take to change a dead light bulb?
A. Just one, but he's never around when you need him.

Old bank robbers never die. They just cash out.

Old cat burglars never die, bu they do go to the dogs.

Old car theives never die, but they do run out of gas.

Old drug dealers never die, but they do push up daisies.

A chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances. The police suspect fowl play!
 
Q. Why was the police officer sleepig on the job? A. He was under cover!
 
A computer program attached to an electric chair would have to have its execution carefully checked.

Q. What happened after a chef was murdered by being boiled to death in an industrial pasta cooker?
A. Police are still trying to al dente-fy a suspect.

Q. What's the main problem with killer cop jokes?
A. Poloce don't think they're funny, and private citizens are afraid to laugh at them!

Q. Do old police detectives ever die?
A. Nobody knows, because they're always under cover.

Q. What happened after the undercover cop at the beach drowned??
A. There was a crime wave.

Q. Do old spies ever die?
A. Nobody knows because they leave no trace.

Q. Do old arsonists ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their spark.

Q. How did the destructive old pyromaniac suddenly die?
A. His flame went out.

Q. Why did the star basketball player get the death sentence?
A. Because he shot the ball.

Hulking Funny: What do you get if you pour cement on a burglar? A Hardened Criminal
 
Q. Why did the police ticket the ghost on Halloween? A. It didn't have a haunting license!
 
Q. What happened to the lawyer who got tossed out of a saloon? A. He was disbarred.

Q. What happens when old burglars die?
A. They just steal away.

Old criminal suspects never die, but they do spread 'em.

Old highways robbers never die, but they do take the low road.

Old vandalists never die, but they do go to pieces.

Old theives never die , but they do take their leave.

Q. What did the killer chemist say when he escaped the police?
A. Cu later, Copper!

Bloody Funny Groan of the Day: A guy was arrested by the police and charged for killing a number of vampires. They've got him on three counts.

Police were investigating a feline corpse that was found in a Xerox machine. They're calling it a copy cat killing.

Q. Which film was about policemen chasing a lawless kilter musician?
A. The Piper Chase.

Old lawyers never die, they just go under the bar.

Q. Do old lawyers ever die
A.No, but they certainly do lose their appeal.

Q. What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?
A. The leech stops bleeding you after you're dead.

Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

| Police Jokes | Detective Puns | Criminal Laughs | Robber Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Judge Jokes |
| Old Cops and Robbers Never Die | Old Sports Humor, Dying Athlete Puns | Dead Tech Jokes |
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