A guy hit another on the head with a pop bottle, killing him. In court, he said he was influenced by the song "Let's Get Fizzy-Kill."   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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Did you hear about the frugal barber? He opened a shavings account!
An Orange Asks: Orange you glad you saw this pun?
They're not that terrifying if you just let Zygons be Zygons!
Q. What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach? A. A Pything!
Ape Chef Asks: Why should you never insult an Italian baker? Because he'll beat the Focaccia!

 


Painful Puns, Hairy Jokes, Horrendous Humor
Punish yourself silly with painful groaner jokes, stinking funny word play, and putrid puns.

Painful Puns and Groaner Jokes – Ouch!
(Because Rotten Jokes and Stinking Funny Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Those in the Nose!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Peril! Hipster humor, horrendously hairy jokes, and cutting puns ahead.
| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |

Q. Why did the barber win the race? A. Because he took a short cut!Q. What do you call hipster slang in Berlin? A. German-ology!Q. What do you call an obese psychic? A. A four chin teller!

Q. What are the three ways men wear their hair?
A. Parted, Unparted, and Departed.

Q. Why don't bald guys need to use keys?
A. They've lost all their locks.

Q. Where do sheep get a hair cut?
A. At the baa-baa shop.

Q. How do you drown a hipster?
A. In the mainstream!

Q. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
A. He sipped a hot toddy before it was cool. (FYI: It's still not cool.)

Q. How do you get a hipster to eat a hot dog?
A. Put it in a man bun.

Q. What do two psychics say when they meet?
A. You are fine. How am I?

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise your hands.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dinosaur and a pig? A. Jurassic Pork!When engineers built the new traffic roundabout, they pulled out all the stops!Q. What did one eye say to the other eye? A. Just between us, something smells!

Q. Which dinosaur is the ancestor of modern pigs?
A. Porkasaurus-Rex

Q. What happens when you put pigs in a Broadway musical?
A. They squeal the show!

Q. When is a car not an automobile?
A. When it turns into a driveway!

Q. What do you call crazy bike trail?
A. A cycle path.

Q. Why was the squirrel late for work?
A. Traffic was nuts.

Q. Why did the cyclops teacher close his charter school?
A. He only had one pupil.

Q. What is the name of the new cell phone company started by optometrists on the go?
A. It's called Eye-Mobile.

Q. What is a great name for a therapist? A. Ophelia Paine!Q. Why is England such a wet country? A. Because the queen has reigned there for years!Q. What is a vegetable's favorite casino game? A. Baccarrot!

Patient: Doctor, everybody thinks I'm trash.
Shrink: Oh, don't talk rubbish!

Q. What did the mommy contact lens say to the naughty child contact lens?
A. I've had enough. Just go and sit in the cornea.

Q. Where do optometrists send data off their electronic devices?
A. To the Eye Cloud.

Q. What is the queens favorite type of weather?
A. Reign.

Q. What is a king's favorite kind of weather?
A. Hail!

Q. What's the difference between a horse and gray weather?
A. One is reined up, and the other rains down.

Did you hear about two women digging in the garden? One dug up a foot-long carrot and said, "This reminds me of my husband." Second woman asks, "Your husband is that long?" She answers, "No, that dirty!"

Q. What do you call a nerdy carrot with right angles?
A. A square root.

Befor deciding to start a war, shouldn't both sides consider the peaceable outcomes?Your glass eye pun was even cornea than this one!Q. Which three candies can you find in every school? A. Nerds, Dum Dums, and Smarties!

Q. What do you say when a metal fan dies?
A. Rust in peace.

Q. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q. What does a vampire say when an ophthalmologist is his victim?
A. Eye vant to drink your blood.

Q. What did the mommy contact lens say to the naughty child contact lens?
A. I've had enough. Just go and sit in the cornea.

Q. How did the music teacher get locked in his classroom?
A. His keys were inside the piano!

Q. Why did the broom always get bad grades in school?
A. It was always sweeping in class.

Q. Did you see the movie about a hotdog? A. It was an Oscar Weiner!You may choose the wallet size or the portrait. Take your pic!Gorilla Asks: Why are hermits always penniless? A. Because they're loaners!

Q. What did the hot dog say to the movie casting director?
A. Let me be Frank.

Q. Why did the hot dog turn down that part in the movie?
A. The roll wasn't good enough.

"This hot dog is fantastic," Pat said frankly. (That's what she said!)

Q. What sort of photos do turtles like?
A. Shell-fies.

Q. Which famous artist only sculps using bicycle parts?
A. Cycle Angelo.

Did you hear about the photographer who died? The graphic story of his demise absolutely made me shutter.

Q. What was the hermit charged with after being caught driving 100 MPH?
A. Recluse Driving.

Did you hear about the hermit crab who occasionally came out of his shell to post a shell-fie online?

Q. Why wouldn't the hermit crab share?
A. He was a little shellfish.

| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |


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You're not punished yet, so here are even more growls of laughter,
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More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Bartender Puns | Blonde Jokes | Cheese Puns | Colorado Jokes | Diet Groans | Gym Moans | Magical Puns |
| Musician Puns | Old Jokes | Pet Puns | Pun Pick-Up Lines | Painful Groaner Jokes | Policeman Puns |
| Scary Funny Puns | Sci-Fi Funs | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Tech Puns | Weedy Fun | Zombie Groans |

Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns Cheesy Puns & Sharp Humor Funny Riddles, Punny Answers!
Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Monstrously Funny Puns Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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