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Q. What do you call a vegetable with PMS? A. A Cab Bitch!
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Q. What happened to the lost cattle? A. Nobody's herd!

 


Painful Puns, Shocking Jokes, Tortured Humor
Shock yourself silly with stabbing groaner jokes, word play humor, and stinking funny puns.

Painful Puns and Groaner Jokes – Ouch!
(Because Gravely Funny Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream Unless They Taste As Bad As They Smell!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Elbow pads and funny bone protection advised! Rough play and puns ahead.
| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |

Q. What do you call a pair of vehicles involved in a plat? A. Two car collusion!Q. What do you call that feeling you get when you see a cop car in your rear view mirror? A. Cop sick shock syndrome!Gorilla Chef Joke: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!

Race car driver pick-up line: Hey Babe, would you like to blow my headgasket?

Tow truck driver pick-up line: Hey Babe, is your battery dead? 'Cause I'd like to jump you.

Auto mechanic pick-up line: Hey Babe, wanna lubricate my camshaft?

Q. What happened to the robber who stole the street lamp?
A. He got a light sentence.

Q. What do you call a cop alligator wearing a vest?
A. An investigator.

Q. Why was the celery arrested?
A. For stalking...

I've been eating a lot of pasta lately. In fact, it's becoming part of my daily rotini!

If you have a pizza with a radius of Z and a thickness of A, it's volume = Pi(Z•Z)A.

Customer: "Do you have spaghetti on the menu today?"
Waiter: "No, I cleaned it off."

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A. Only one, but the bulb has to really watt to change!Q. What's an apt name for an easy chair salesman? A. Rick Kleiner!Q. How do you find a princess? A. Follow the foot prince!

Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. I think I'm a deck of cards." The shrink replies, "Sit over there, and I'll deal with you later."

When two egotists meet up, it's an I for an I.

At couples therapy, the shrink asked the wife why she wanted to end their marriage. She said, "I hate the constant Star Wars puns." To which the husband replied, "Divorce is strong with this one."

Q. What does IKEA furniture do if it's stolen?
A. It activates a shelf destruct sequence.

Q. What do you have to know to be a good realtor?
A. Lots.

A salesman approached a blonde and asked her if she'd like to buy a pocket calculator. The blonde replied, "No thanks, I already know how many pockets I have."

Q. Who was the hungry princess attracted to?
A. Sir Loin.

Q. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the team?
A. Because she always runs away from the ball.

Q. Which style of shoes should you wear while disecting a frog?
A. Open-toad.

Ape Chef Asks: Why should you never insult an Italian baker? Because he'll beat the Focaccia!If you're tubing down a river right now, is that a current event?Q. What do you call a loony spaceman? A. Astro-Nut!

Q. Why was the baker so scared?
A. He found himself in a loaf or death situation.

Q. Why was the baker so grumpy?
A. He woke up on the wrong side of the bread!

Q. Why did bread break up with margarine?
A. For a butter lover.

Q. Which is the smallest city?
A. Electri-City.

Q. What does a master electrician say to encourage his apprentice?
A. You conduit!

Electrical Words of Wisdom: Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.

Q. What do you call an overweight gray alien?
A. The Extra Cholesterol.

Q. What do you call a little green man surfing the Internet in your garden?
A. Your brother-in-lawn.

Did you hear the latest UFO joke? Nevermind, it's over your head.

Chimp Chef Asks: Did you hear about the Italian chef injured in a pizza accident? Now, he cannoli do so much!Q. Why does your nose like being in the middle of your face? A. Because it's the scenter of attention!A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling jokes. Bone doc's jokes were humerus, but the eye doc's jokes were cornea!

Did you hear about the Italian chef who had mushroom for improvement? He was a fungi, but of questionable morel character.

That Italian chef is really annoying. He's making a pesto himself.

Patient: Doc, what's wrong with me? My nose runs and my feet smell.
Doctor: You're upside down.

Stinking Punny Point to Ponder: How can feet smell if they don't have a nose?

Q. What did the optometrist say to the patient with three eyes?
A. Aye, Aye, Aye.

Q. What is an eye doctor's favorite dessert?
A. Eyes Cream.

Did you hear about the two cheese trucks that ran into each other? De brie was everywhere!Eye Joke: It is clear to see that these eye puns are full of Aqueous Humor!Q. Where do pencils go on vacation? A. Pencil-vania!

Q. Which music genre appeals to cheese lovers?
A. R 'N Brie.

I walked up to the cheese counter in the store last week. I interrupted him and he had to start again...

Q. When should you go on a cheese diet?
A. When you need to cheddar few pounds!

Q. Why did the cell phone have to wear glasses?
A. Because it lost all of its contacts!

Looking for something to tickle her funny bone and put a glint in her eye? Just make a couple of hum-iris witticisms!

Q. Where is the eye located?
A. Between the H and the J.

Q. Why do magicians always do so well in school?
A. They're really good at trick questions!

Q. What is a blackboard's favorite drink?
A. Hot chalk-olate.

Q. What did the flet tip pen say to the pencil?
A. What's your point?

| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |


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| Musician Puns | Old Jokes | Pet Puns | Pun Pick-Up Lines | Painful Groaner Jokes | Policeman Puns |
| Scary Funny Puns | Sci-Fi Funs | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Tech Puns | Weedy Fun | Zombie Groans |

Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns Cheesy Puns & Sharp Humor Funny Riddles, Punny Answers!
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