Q. Why did the blonde sleep with a battery under her pillow?
A. She wanted to take a power nap.

Q. How do you describe the downtime while your batteries are recharging?
A. Re-volting!

The battery comedian said: "Anode you'd like these powerfully Painful Puns!"

Can far-sighted psychics see further into the future? Do seers with cataracts see a mirky future?

Q. What do you call a psychic elf that escaped from prison?
A. A small medium at large.

Q. Why are clairvoyants called mediums?
A. 'Cause they’re not rare or well done.

Q. Why doesn't The Hulk own a microwave, toaster oven, or grill?
A. Because revenge is a dish best served cold!

Ladies, did you know The Hulk is not afraid to be tagged on social media?

Q. Why was the alien logged in online?
A. To update his Spacebook status.

Did you see the new documentary about high-rise steel workers? I hear it was riveting!

Q. Why do dogs make great exterior contractors?
A. They're really great at roofing!

Trying to craft a funny contractor pun, but it's still under construction...

Q. What's the best thing about elevator jokes?
A. They work on so many levels!

Q. What did the elevator say to the doctor?
A. I think I'm coming down with something.

Q. Why did the ghost haunt an elevator?
A. To lift its spirits.

Q. What does an agreeable pickle usually say?
A. I relish the idea!

Q. What do you call people who post particularly funny pickle puns?
A. Dilly Silly!

Q. When should you put pickles in your door?
A. When it's ajar!

An electrician finally gets home at 3:00 a.m. His wife asked, "Wire you insulate?" He replied, "Watt's it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I?"

Did you know nothing shocks retired electricians?

Powerful pick-up line: Babe, an electrician can really turn you on!

Handy pun to ponder: When two lefties get into an argument, how can you tell which is right?

Q. What did the guy with no hands get for his birthday?
A. We don't know. He hasn't opened it yet?

Q. What time is a clock's favorite?
A. 6:30 – Hands Down!

Q. Why do optometrists like PainfulPuns Eye Doctor Puns?
A. It's a fun web sight for in-site-ful online humor!

Iris I could help you, but I lack the vision. Iris is a great name for an eye doctor!

Do people with green eyes enjoy St. Patricks' Day most?

Q. How can you tell which cow is the best dancer?
A. You have to wait until she busts a moove.

Q. How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
A. With a Cow-culator.

Q. What do you call one cow half?
A. Calf.

Q. What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
A. A bike with no spooks.

Q. Why was the squirrel late for work?
A. Traffic was nuts.

With the rise of self-driving cars, it's only a matter of time until we hear a country song where the guy's truck leaves him, too.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

Q. Why did the 30-60-90 degree triangle marry the 45-45-90 degree triangle?
A. Because they were right for each other.

Q. Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
A. Because it's two gross!

Q. What do you call it when you're sick of being stranded at the airport?
A. A terminal illness!

Q. What do you call a test flight that's about to crash?
A. An Error Plane.

Q. What do you get if you cross a jet plane and a magician?
A. A flying sorcerer.

Photographers are really mean! First they frame you, then they shoot you, and then they hang you on the wall.

A blonde just keeps going on and on about Painful Puns photographer puns. You just can't shutter up!

Sometimes it's rough being a photographer. You have to deal with a lot of crop!

Q. What do you call some one who eats sugar with both hands?
A. Ambidextrous.

Q. What can you say to encourage somebody on a diet?
A. You don't need any sugar, because you're already so sweet.

Sweet pick-up line: Did you sit in a pile of sugar? 'Cause you've got a really sweet ass?

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

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