Q. What do you call cattle that tell jokes? A. Laughing stock!   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What do you call it when you get a glamorous new hairdo? A. Tressed to Kill!
Q. What is a comedian's favorite day of the week? A. Wry day!
Happy Pundae!
Q. What do you call off-color jokes in a wood-finishing workshop? A. Lacquer-room humor!
The last eye pun was even cornea than this one!

 


Painful Puns, Punny Word Play, Bloody Fun Jokes
Prick yourself some silly groaner jokes, word play humor, torturous laughs and punny one-liners.

Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, Ouch! Laughs
(Because Puns That Bite Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Those Hungry for Juicy Deleterious Humor!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Killer jokes, injurious humor, and particularly painful puns ahead.
| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |

Q. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? A. Remorse code!Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. I don't know, and I don't care!An Orange Asks: Orange you glad you saw this pun?

Q. Where does a spy sleep?
A. Under cover.

Q. Who is the most famous underwater secret agent?
A. James Pond.

Q. Who wrote the underwater espionage book, Deep Sea Spying?
A. Pare S. Cope.

Near-sighted Puns: Sorry, that's just how eye roll!

Groaner Pun of the Day: I used to have two kidneys before I grew up. Now, as an adult, I only have two knees.

Q. Why did the blonde sell her vacuum?
A. Because it was just collecting dust.

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the empty can of orange juice.
A. Because the label said: Concentrate.

Q. What did one orange ask another orange?
A. Do you speak Mandarin?

Q. What do they serve for lunch at the comedian workshop?
A. Hot dog puns.

Q. What happens wien the smog lifts over los Angeles? A. UCLA!Q. What did the red light say to the green light? A. Don't look, I'm changing!Q. What do you call it when you ridicule somebody without prior planning? A. A spur of the moment derision!

Did you hear the joke about the smog? Nevermind, it's already all over town.

A Book Never Written:
Smog by Hays E. Dais

The smog has been so bad lately that now little kids don't believe in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Sun.

Q. Why did the traffic signal turn red?
A. You would too, if you had to change in the middle of the road.

Q. Why did the traffic signal turn green?
A. It wanted to GO eco-friendly.

Q. Why did the traffic lights flash yellow?
A. They were programmed by a blonde!

Q. What do you call jokes that ridicule you out loud?
A. Verbal Abuse.

Q. What kind of laughing gas ridicules you?
A. He He He

We would like to apologize to anyone we have not offended. Please be patient; we'll get to you soon...

To all the pun masters out there, I'm just a pupil of the trade!What do you call it when you finally delete the superfluous stuff from your list? Omission accomplished!Q. What kind of shoes do spies wear? A. Sneakers!

Q. What does a pirate use to remedy security issues in his computer?
A. An eye patch.

Q. Why did a woman go to the optician to return a pair of glasses she bought for her husband?
A. He still wasn't seeing things her way.

Q. Why was the eye doctor always so happy?
A. He was an Opto-mist!

Q. Why did the stand-up comedian only do killer jokes about the mob?
A. He wanted to die laughing.

Q. What is the definition of comedic warfare?
A. Killer jokes.

Q. Why did the standup comedian run out of punny new joke ideas?
A. He was at his wit's end.

Q. What kind of footwear should you don if you're dissecting a frog?
A. Open-toad shoes.

Q. Which shoe brand is the fave of cartoonists?
A. Sketchers.

Q. Which old SNL comedian do flip flops still laugh at?
A. Adam Sandal-er.

Food Pun: At the floor tilers' annual picnic they offered hotdogs topped with sauer grout!Q. What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? A. Denis!Q. Why did ET toss beef on the asteroid? A. To make it a little meteor!

Q. Why do all hot dogs look the same?
A. Because they are in bread.

Q. What does a hot dog go camping in?
A. A Wiener-Bago!

Q. What do you call a candid hot dog?
A. A Frankfurter.

Q. How can you tell you've found the best dentist?
A. He's Ahh-Inspiring!

A dentist with a toothache could have a bad impact on his patients.

Always be kind to your dentist because he's got fillings, too!

Q. What do you call a cow that's no longer cleared for space flight?
A. Ground Beef.

Q. What do you call a cow space explorer using a porta-potty?
A. An Astrono-Manure.

Q. How diddle the cow get to the mooon?
A. She jumped into udder space.

Q. Why doesn't a pickle like to travel? A. Because it's a jarring experience!My optometrist always has a few insightful puns to break the eyes!Q. What do you call it when you play on the same team as your manicurist? A. Playing with filer!

Q. What is a pickle's favorite tourist spot in England?
A. Picadilly Square!

Q. What is a Mexican pickle's favorite dance?
A. La Cuke-aracha!

Did you hear about the pickles abducted by aliens? Nobody believed them because they were full of crock.

We know these eye puns keep getting cornea and cornea. Iris the jokes were more colorful, but please don't lash out!

Q. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
A. Between you and me, there is something that smells.

Q. Why did the cyclops teacher close his charter school?
A. He only had one pupil.

Q. How should you feel after a manicure?
A. Like the cat's meow.

Q. Why did the dentist and the manicurist end up getting a divorce?
A. Whenever they fought, it was tooth and nail.

Blonde Manicurist Point to Ponder: Why hasn't anybody invented edible nail polish?

| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |


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You're stilling groaning, so here's more biting humor, gruesome laughs,
agonizing jokes and acutely painful puns to elbow your funny bone:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Bartender Puns | Blonde Jokes | Cheese Puns | Colorado Jokes | Diet Groans | Gym Moans | Magical Puns |
| Musician Puns | Old Jokes | Pet Puns | Pun Pick-Up Lines | Painful Groaner Jokes | Policeman Puns |
| Scary Funny Puns | Sci-Fi Funs | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Tech Puns | Weedy Fun | Zombie Groans |

Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns Cheesy Puns & Sharp Humor Funny Riddles, Punny Answers!
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