Q. Why don't locksmiths need to use GPS? A. They always know their lock-ation!   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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We need a day between Sunday & Monday. Let's call it Punday!
Q. What is a hair stylist's favorite day of the week? A. DOs Day!
When the teacher lectured avout leafy green veggies, the pupil learned a chard lesson!
Q. Where do vampires get all their jokes? A. From crypt Writers!
Did you hear about the one remaining apartment in the new building? It was last, but not leased!


Painful Puns, Hoarse Humor, Contagious Jokes
Expectorate throaty groaner jokes, word play humor, loud loogie laughs and prob-phlegm puns.

Painful Puns and Groaner Jokes – Ouch!
(Because Mindful Puns and Groaner Jokes That Over-Doze Your Frontal Cortex Could Never Be TOO Mainstream!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Forehead protection advised. Head-scratching puns, mind-numbing humor ahead.
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| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |

Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes thiings personally!Q. What do you call the head of a recliner factory? A. The chairman!Before in-ear digital hearing aids were invented, were they ear-normous?

Q. What do you get if you cross a burglar and purple flowers?
A. Robbery with violets.

Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner?
A. A Kong-vict!

Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months. Looks like his days are numbered.

Salesman: This computer will cut your work load by 50%.
Customer: Great, I'll take two!

Q. What does a carpet salesman give his honey on Valentine's Day?
A. Rugs and kisses.

Salesman: That suit looks great. It fits like a bandaid.
Customer: Thanks, I bought it by accident.

When I first tried a new cough syrup, I had no idea what to expectorate.

Q. What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
A. Saturday Night Fever!

Q. What is the medical term for owning too many dogs?
A. Rover-dose!

Did you hear about the self-help book about giving vehement rants? It teaches all the tricks of the tirade!Q. What did the drywall guy say to the wall? A. One more crack like that, and I'll plaster ya!Q. What do you call it if you make strangers feel comfortable too fast? A. A likability liability!

Q. What is the most useless self-help book ever written?
A. How to Write a How to Write Book.

Guy walks into a book store and asks where the Self-Help books are. Clerk says, "Sure, but that would defeat the purpose."

Q. Which writing genre pays the most?
A. Ransom notes!

Q. Why do ghosts like drywall?
A. Because sheets rock!

Did you hear about the lesbian carpenters? They don't use any studs, just tongue and groove.

Q. Why aren't there more contractor jokes?
A. They're still working on it.

Q. What happens if you have too many liabilities?
A. Your assets in jail.

When God created actuaries, he scratched His head and said, "Go Figure."

Insider Banking Lingo: A personal financial dilemma is also known as a bill pickle.

Q. How does a physicist exercise? A. By pmping ion!Q. Why did the taxi driver go 60 MPH? A. His passenger was talking a mile a minute!Q. What do you call a guy sho hoaxes siblings by pretending to be heir dad? A. A faux pa!

Gym Confession: Sometimes, I look like I'm working out, but I'm actually using every muscle in by body to keep from farting.

Gym Factoid: Did you realize that Dr. Frankenstein was actually the first bodybuilder?

Taxi driver pick-up line: Hey Babe, if you were a car door, I'd slam you all night.

Q. Who earns a living by driving customers away?
A. Taxi drivers!

Scientists just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind two other genes.

Q. What do you call it when David Banner goes shopping at Sam's Club?
A. The Incredible Hoard!

Q. Who wond the cowboy's chess match? A. It ended in a drawl!Munster Chef Asks: What do you call a fake noodle? A. An impasta!Q. How does a locksmith take a walk on the wild side? A. He Gets Funky!

Q. How do you know if a colt is sick?
A. He feels a little hoarse.

Q. Where do horses go when they're sick?
A. To the horse-pital!

Did you hear about the runaway horse? It's a terrible tail of whoa.

Pizza is the only love triangle I'm interested in.

Q. What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it?
A. A Pepper-lonely Pizza!

Q. Why couldn't the chef get into the Italian restaurant?
A. He had gnocchi.

Q. Why couldn't they keep the locksmith in jail?
A. Because the nut always bolted.

Q. Why did the blonde only lock three of the six locks on her door?
A. She figured if somebody tried to pick the locks, they'd always be locking three.

Did you hear about the Federation weapons expert? A. He never forgets a phaser!Q. What does your optician sy if you do't laugh at his pun? A. Lens not lose sight of the humor!Q. What did cavemen give their mates on Valentine's Day? A. Uggs and Kisses!

Q. Does Spock appreciate deadly Vulcan puns?
A. He does understand the complex nature of lively jokes, but he just does not see the humor in it.

Q. What's it called when two Enterprise officers have an argument?
A. Science Friction!

See, Opticians are not just in it because they have specs appeal!

Q. Why did the near-sighted woman marry her optometrist?
A. It was an eye-deal relationship!

Specs appeal is not the reason to become an optician, but it does help!

Valentine's Day pick-up line: Is your name WiFi? 'Cause I am feeling a strong connection.

Q. What did the little boat say to the yacht?
A. Can I interest you in a little row-mance?

Apish Pick-Up Line: Hey, you're like dandruff, I just can't get you otta my head no matter how hard I try!

| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |

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| Pasta Puns | Police Puns | Sci-Fi Funs | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Star Trek Puns | Tech Puns | Toy Jokes |

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