Q. What do you call iron when it's blowing in the wind?
A. FE-Breeze.

Q. Why does lightning always shock people?
A. Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.

Q. How do you know if you're having circus weather today?
A. The heat is in tents.

Q. Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A. Because he'll dessert you!

Q. Is Google male or female?
A. We're guessing female because she never lets you finish a sentence without making a suggestion?

Q. What is the name of the deep kisser's dating site?
A. French Connection.

People who look at their butt in the mirror and see a wild boar may be suffering from an eye condition called Asspigmatism.

Q. What does an eye doctor say when his puppy acts up?
A. Eye Chihuahua!

Q. How did the amazing carpenter cut a piece of wood just by looking at it?
A. He saw it with his own eye.

Orange you glad you you didn't miss this pun?

Q. Why do Denver Broncos fans wear orange?
A. No rhyme, nor reason.

Q. Why are orange jokes so dumb?
A. Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.

Q. Why did the blonde call AAA when her laptop battery died?
A. Well, duh!

Did you hear about the guy who got mad when his phone battery died? His shrink said he needed to find an outlet.

Q. How are a bull and a battery alike?
A. Both charge!

Q. Why do they call it quicksand?
A. Because when you're stuck in it, your whole life flashes in front of you – really fast!

Q. Can you pull yourself out of quicksand?
A. Sometimes... Glub, glub, glub... and sometimes NO.

Q. How did the crappy plumber die?
A. He committed sewer-cide.

Q. Why won't The Hulk ever have a heart attack?
A. His heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.

Q. Why do Hulk's pants stay on?
A. Because unstable nut-lear decay is Rated X.

Q. How do you make a Pirate furious?
A. Take away his P.

Q. What are the 10 letters in the pirate alphabet?
A. I, I, A and the seven Cs.

Q. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
A. Aye to Aye.

Q. Where did the teacher send the little Viking when he got sick in class?
A. To the Norse.

Q. What do Eric the Red and Smokey the Bear have in common?
A. Both have the same middle name!

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. FSH.

It's clear to see that opticians are not just in it for the frame and fortune!

It's apparent we'll get 20 lashes for that painful pun!

Q. What did the monkey say after he slid down the flagpole?
A. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

Q. What do you call an imp that's rushed to the hospital?
A. Impatient.

Q. Why was the hamburger thrown out of the army?
A. Because he couldn't pass the mustard.

Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard!

Q. What happens if you use pickles instead of a ping pong ball?
A. You get the Volley of the Dills.

Q. When should you shoot pool with a pickle?
A. Only when you find the cue cumbersome.

Q. What was the incontinent farmer's biggest problem?
A. He managed the carrots, but could not control his peas!

Q. Which martial art are carrots best suited for?
A. Carr-o-tee!

Q. Which kind of social gatherings do pigs like the most?
A. Sow-prise parties!

Q. Why did it take the pig hours to cross the road?
A. Because he was a slow pork!

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