Please stop the cow puns? I'm calving nightmares! - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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Painful Puns, Twisted Jokes, Humor That Bites
Spark yourself silly with grating groaner jokes, word play humor, and one-liners that hurt.

Painful Puns and Groaner Jokes – Ouch!
(Because Puns That Suck in a Good Way Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Vampires or Flebotomists!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Itchy humor, sorely funny jokes, laborious laughs and nagging puns ahead.
| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |

What happens if you start an illegal fire using flint? You get a sparking ticket!Q. What do you call a temporary lack of inspiration? A. Apnea!Beer-drinking chimps says: When my friend fell asleep at the bar, I poured ale on him. It was a brewed awakening!

Q. How do beat cops greet people on the street?
A. Policed to meet you!

Q. What do non-vegans call a police officer in a sleeping bag?
A. Pig in a blanket.

Q. What did fans say when the comedy club abruptly shut down?
A. This is no laughing matter!

Stinking Funny Groaner: I don't mind the snoring, but the drool running down your chin while you're farting in your sleep is just too much.

Apt Apnea Anecdote: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Snore, and you sleep alone.

Q. What do you call it when a tall Lego structure topples over?
A. Tumbling blocks.

Q. What is Deja Brew?
A. When you have to ask you buddy, "Hey, haven't we been to this pub pun before?"

Brewed Pun of the Day: Enjoying a beer is merely the pursuit of hoppiness!

Painful Groaner Moment: If at first you don't succeed, try a bottle opener. It probably wasn't a twist-top.

If Sherlock Holmes gave friends and family discounts, were they thankful for his deduction?Q. What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job? A. Oh, Snap!Q. Why did a blonde go to the dentist? A. Because somebody dented her car!

Q. What did Watson say about working with Sherlock?
A. There's no police like Holmes.

Knock, knock. Who's there?
Watson. Watson who?
Watson cable tonight?

Q. Wanna hear a really cold cop joke?
A. Freeze!

Q. Which word in the dictionary is a lot longer than it looks?
A. Rubberband – because it stretches.

Q. What did the shrink say to the guy who thought he was a rubber band?
A. Snap out of it!

Q. Which salesman has the slickest line?
A. The STP rep.

Pun of the Day: Did you hear about the dentist who was convicted of incisor trading?

Did you hear about the dentist who put braces on his patient as a stop-gap measure?

Biting Groan of the Day: Nobody knew she had a dental implant, until it came out in conversation.

Q. What do you call a donkey on steroids? A. An ass-teroid!Q. Why did the picture go to jail? A. It was framed!Q. What do you call a vegetable with PMS? A. A Cab Bitch!

A man fell in love with his donkey and decided to marry her. At the wedding, the minister said, "Well, this is refreshing. Usually it's the woman who marries the ass."

Q. How do you compliment a donkey?
A. Hay, nice ass!

Q. How do you insult a lazy mule?
A. Call him half-assed!

Q. What did the wife say after her husband told her he wanted to frame a picture of her breasts?
A. Okay, if I can take a pic of your penis and enlarge it.

Anti Pick-Up Line: Are you a picture frame? 'Cause all you do is sit on the couch and remind of times I'd rather forget.

Q. What do you call a hen with a piece of lettuce in her eye?
A. Chicken sees-a salad.

Q. What do you call a retired veggie?
A. A has bean.

Q. What do you call somebody who doesn't like green vegetables?
A. One who marches to a different beet.

Hulk Asks: If politicians worked together to solve problems, could we all say "Bye Partisan?"Marathon pun readers suffer the agony of the feet, as well!Did you hear about the trendy mountain top barber shop? It was a cut above the rest!

Q. What is The Hulk's favorite part of this joke?
A. The Punch Line!

If you work in an office with The Hulk, never ask him for his three-hole punch!

Q. Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
A. He did not like the meets.

Running Wisdom: Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right running shoe is choosing the left one.

Q. What do you call a group of men waiting to get their hair cut?
A. A Barber-que!

Q. What's the worst aspect of sporting a beard?
A. Being confused with a hipster.

It's plain to see that these eye jokes are bad and they're just getting cornea and cornea!Sweet dreams are made of cheese1 Who am I to dis a brie?We can see that these eye puns are bad, so there's no need to lash out!

Q. What does a pirate wearing a monocle use to navigate the seven seas?
A. An Eye Chart.

Q. What is Conjunctivitis.eye?
A. A site for sore eyes.

Q. Why did the blonde only wear glasses while playing tennis?
A. Because tennis is a non-contact sport!

Q. How are mosquitoes just like cheesy puns?
A. Both are very annoying and the worst ones really bite!

Q. When should you go on a cheese diet?
A. When you need to cheddar few pounds!

Cheesy anti pick-up line: I like to party, and by party I mean stay in and order pizza.

You retina try to one-up these eye doctor puns lens you lose focus of iris humor.

Q. What does a patch-wearing pirate fear most while navigating polar seas?
A. Eyes Bergs!

Q. What is an eye doctor's favorite band?
A. The Black Eyed Peas.

| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |

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You've taken the abuse this far, so here's even more catchy viral laughter,
sorely funny humor, sour jokes and painful puns to smart your funny bone:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Arson Puns | Barber Puns | Bartender Puns | Brewed Puns | Cheese Puns | Colorado Jokes | Detective Puns |
| Dumb Ass Puns | Factory Puns | Gym Moans | Jail Jokes | Magical Puns | Musician Puns | Politician Puns |
| Policeman Puns | Running Jokes | Sci-Fi Funs | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Techie Puns | Woman Puns |

Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns Cheesy Puns & Sharp Humor Funny Riddles, Punny Answers!
Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Monstrously Funny Puns Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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