Q. What did the vampire say after reading all these painful puns? A. They Suck!   PainfulPuns.com - Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes, Deadly LOL!

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Q. What did a vampire say when he hired an apprentice? A. We could use some new blood around here!
Q. What do you call a foolish old vampire? A. A Silly Old Sucker!
Q. How are vampires like false teeth? A. They both come out at night!


Vampire Jokes, Deadly Humor, Bloody Fun Puns
4 out of 5 vampires agree bloody funny jokes, red whines, and deadly puns are just their type.

Vampire Puns, Biting Jokes, Grave Humor
(Because Biting Humor, Bloody Funs, and Vampire Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream in Transylvania!)
Warning: Gamble Your Life with Caution! Killer coffin Jokes and bloody funny puns are running neck and neck!
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Q. What is a vampire's favorite animal? A. The Giraffe!Q. What is a vampire's favorite type of person to bite? A. A Redneck!Q. Where do vampires get all their jokes? A. From crypt Writers!

Q. Who won the vampire race?
A. It's still neck and neck... ...

Q. What happens if you're attacked by a Vampire Abominable Snowman?
A. You get frostbite.

Q. What was Dracula doing at the London pub?
A. Having a bloody good time.

Did you hear about the vampire poet? He went from bat to worse.

Q. Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
A. To improve his bite.

Q. Why doesn't Dracula want to become an investment banker?
A. Because he hates stakeholders.

Q. When do vampires like to do sneak attacks?
A. On Wince Days.

Q. What's the difference between a vampire with a toothache and a rainstorm?
A. One roars in pain, and the other pours the rain.

Q. What does Dracula's torch run on?
A. Bat-teries!

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night!Q. Which kind of dog does every vampire own? A. A Bloodhound!Q. What did the vampire have for dessert? A. Whine and I Scream!

Q. What subject did Dracula major in during college?
A. AcCounting.

Q. Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A. It was a stake sandwich.

Q. What is it call when Dracula rearranges the furniture in his castle?
A. Fang Shui.

Q. Why don't vampires spend much at restaurants?
A. Because they eat necks to nothing.

Q. Why are graveyards so noisy?
A. Because of all the coffin.

Q. What is a vampire's least favorite city?
A. Philadelphia, because it's always sunny there.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite fast food restaurant? A. Murder King!Q. How does a female vampire flirt? A. She bats her eyes!Q. Where does a vampire like to eat lunch? A. At a Casketeria!

Q. Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite beer?
A. Bloodweiser.

Q. What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A. It's a pain in the neck.

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus performer?
A. A bloody entertaining act that goes straight for the juggler!

Q. What do you call a vampire with asthma?
A. Vlad the inhaler.

Q. How does a zombie say goodby to a vampire?
A. "So long, Sucker!"

Q. What is a vampire's least favorite song? A. Another One Bites The Dust!Q. Who does a movie star vampire get letters from? A. His Fang Club!Q. What does a vampire on a diet drink? A. Blood Light!

Q. What is a vampire's favorite Shakespeare play?
A. A Midsummer Bite's Dream.

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, wanna go out for a bite?

Q. What has webbed feet, feathers, and goes quack quack?
A. Count Duckula.

Q. Where are LGBT vampires from?
A. Trans-ylvania.

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, wanna be immortal for just one night?

Q. What do you call a communist vampire?
A. A red blood count.

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You've lasted this long, so here's even more biting humor, evil laughter,
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