Q. What does Doctor McCoy say before each new mission? Bones Voyage!   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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McCoy Says: Yes, Klingons do work out at the He's Dead Gym!
Captain Kirk Says: Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes!
Spock Says: Live long and prosper, and don't wear a red shirt!
Red Shirts to Kirk: Yes Sir. We're reddy!


Star Trek Jokes, TOS Puns, Original Series Humor
Phase into Star Trek humor, givin' her all she's got puns, and highly illogical synthehol jokes.

Star Trek TOS Jokes, Spock Humor, Crew-d Puns
(Because Star Trek Original Series Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Vulcans or Vulcan'ts!)
Warning: Beam Down to Starship Enterprise Puns at Your Own Risk! Set Phasers to Stun. Wait – He's Dead, Jim!
| Star Trek Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Spock Puns and Vulcan Jokes | 2 | Trekkie Jokes |
| Star Trek The Original Series Jokes and TOS Puns | 2 | 3 | Starship Enterprise Captain Jokes |
| Star Trek TNG Jokes | 2 | 3 | Klingon Puns | The Borg Jokes | Ladies of Star Trek Jokes |
Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Cyborg Jokes, Android Puns | Sci-Fi Robot Jokes | Sci-Fi Toilet Jokes |

If Mr Spock has pointy ears, what does Mr Scott have? A. Engineers!Why did the chicken cross the road? To boldly go where no chicken has gone before! – James T KirkMcCoy Says: Doctor's orders, Jim. Be a vulcan in the streets and a Klingon in the sheets!

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekker?
A. You fully appreciate the effects of synthehol, and you've tried to replicate some along with your home brewing.

Q. What did Scotty say to the crew of the Enterprise say when they orbited over western England?
A. Thar be Wales down there.

Q. How do we know Scotty liked margaritas?
A. 'Cause Jimmy Buffet sang, "Could you beam me somewhere, Mister Scott."

Q. Why did Gene Roddenberry cross the road?
A. Because it was a sci-fi fantasy trip.

Q. What is Captain Kirk's most effective pick-up line?
A. Let me show you where I like to land my shuttle.

Q. Why did Captain Kirk's rooster cross the road?
A. He wanted to see if there was new life at the chicken strip club.

Q. What did Leonard McCoy say after he re-inserted Spock's brain into his head?
A. I should never have reconnected his mouth.

Bones McCoy Quote of the Day: I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. Blast that infernal thing.

Q. What did Bones McCoy say when Captain Kirk asked him why the chicken crossed the road?
A. Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor not a farmer.

Have you read the book, Damn It Jim? It's by Ima Doctor and Nada Bricklayer.Spock: It is illogical to be lost in space. Smith: You can't do it, can ? You can't kill the man without becoming the monster!Q. What did Mr Spock find in the toilet? A. A Little Shat!

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. You insist on calling your doctor "Bones." Or, you called your vet "Bones" and the name stuck!

Bone McCoy Quote of the Day: He's dead, Jim. You take his wallet and I'll take his tricorder.

Q. Why did Mr. Scott purchase a sub-lightspeed engine for the Enterprise?
A. It was an impulse buy.

Q. What did sensible Major West say while he was assembling his gun during the spider attack?
A. A million bucks worth of weaponry, and I'd trade it all back for a lousy can of Raid.

Q. Why wouldn't Spock ever do a mind meld with Frodo?
A. Because that might be a hard hobbit to get into.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. You can curse in Romulan and Vulcan.

TOS Fact of the Day: In Star Trek, there is no such thing as a little Shat!

Q. Which part of a science fiction trilogy is always a real stinker?
A. Da Turd Part!

Q. What does Bill call his new line of Star Trek theme designer women's jeans that are roomy enough for adult diapers?
A. Shatner Pants.

Spock: Sniveling is illogical. Dr. Smith: Sarcasm is the recourse of the weak mind!Spock Says: Illogical reality is for life forms who dismisss Star Trek!Spock Tells Dr. Smith: It is illogical to be Lost In Space!

Q. What would Mr. Spock say to sniveling Dr. Smith?
A. If there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them.

Q. What did Spock say when Smith dissed the robot?
A. Insults are only effective where emotion is present.

Q. How many Gorn does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it takes a butt load of light bulbs.

Q. What is a Vulcan's favorite item of clothing?
A. A T'Shirt!

Kirk: How are a joke and a hot date alike?
Spock: A joke is a story with a humorous climax.

Q. Why don't lifelong Star Trek TOS fans ever grow out of it?
A. Because that's illogical.

Q. What does Scotty do when there's a burned out light bulb?
A. He switches to auxillary power.

Q. What does meme Mr. Spock say to Dr. Smith?
A. Without followers, evil cannot spread!

Q. What would Mr. Spock say to Dr. Smith if they actually met?
A. I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question!

Q. How many Andorians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Andorians can change two bulbs at the same time.

Spock Says: Reality is for people who are Trekkers!Q. How many Romulans does it take to change a light bulb? A. 151. One to change the bulb and 150 to self-destruct the ship in disgrace!Did you hear about the Federation weapons expert? A. He never forgets a phaser!

Q. What does Mr. Spock say to motivate and inspire other natives of his home world?
A. Are You a Vulcan, or a Vulcan't?

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekker?
A. Your friends are Trekkers, but you're still open to meeting Trekkies and other aliens, too.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. You can actually tell the difference between a Romulan and a Vulcan.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. You can curse in Klingon, Gorn, and Horta.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekker?
A. If you've ever wondered about what Starfleet underwear looks like, or thought about designing the undies for the end-all Star Trek series.

Q. Who wrote the fast-paced Star Trek book, Go to Warp 9?
A. N. Gage.

| Star Trek TOS Puns | 2 | 3 | Spock Puns | 2 | Star Trek Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Klingon Puns |
| Star Trek TNG Jokes | 2 | 3 | The Borg Jokes | Enterprise Captains | Ladies of Star Trek Jokes |
| Lost in Space Jokes | Space Bar Jokes | Science Fiction Food Jokes | 2 | 3 | Sci-Fi Toilet Jokes |
| Dr Who Jokes, Tardis Puns, Whovian Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Cyberman Jokes | Dalek Puns |
| Star Wars Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Darth Vader Dark Side Humor | Wookiee Puns | Yoda Jokes |
| ET Alien Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Green Spaced Alien Puns | Cows In Space Jokes | Outer Space |
| Science Fiction Doctor Jokes | 2 | Sci-Fi Cross the Road Jokes | 2 | Sci-Fi Light Bulb Jokes | 2 |
| Cyborg Jokes, Android Puns | Sci-Fi Robot Jokes |
Science Fiction Jokes | Sci-Fi Pick Up Lines |

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