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A Girl Said She Recognized Me From the Vegetarian Club, But I'd Never Met Herbivore.
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Weedy Funny Garden Jokes and Kick Grass Puns
Pick from a bounty of garden jokes, green gardener humor, and lawn-ly puns to mown about.

Gardening Jokes, Plant Puns, Seedy Humor
(Because Thriving Green Grins Could Never Bee TOO Mainstream for Avid Gardeners or Lawn Mower Man!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Garden variety jokes, dirty humor, and over-groan lawn mowing puns ahead.
| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Animal Poop Puns | Bear Jokes | Insect Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes and Snake Puns |

Q. What do you call a cabbage with a good body? A. Head and shoulders above the rest!Q. How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? A. Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental impact statement!Q. What do you call a bank that also carries gardening supplies? A. A savings and loam!

Q. What does a romantic gardener get if they plant kisses?
A. Tulips.

Q. Which vegetable is the fastest?
A. A Runner Bean!

Q. What do you have if you have six potatoes in one hand, and a bunch of leeks in the other?
A. Huge hands!

Q. What do horticulturalists call it when nightcrawlers take over the world?
A. Global Worming.

Green Math of the Day: I always thought a yard was three feet long, but then I started mowing the lawn...

Q. What did the male flower stamen say to the female pistil in the garden?
A. I like your style.

Gardening Point to Ponder: Have guys who sell garden soil hit pay dirt?

Q. What gets bigger, the more you take away?
A. A hole!

Q. What does the Green Giant wear when he goes to a corporate board meeting?
A. A three peas suit.

Q. What do you call a dispute over young flowers? A. A budding war!Q. What do you get if you cross a pig and a cactus? A. A Porky Pine!Q. What happened when a guy fell in love with his garden? A. It made him wed his plants!

Q. What did the big garden flower ask the little flower?
A. What's up, Bud?

Q. What is a frog's favorite spring garden flower?
A. The croak-us!

Q. What do you call a master gardener's formal speech about the progress of pungent bulbs?
A. A state of the onion address.

Q. What did the lost porcupine say when he bumped into a cactus in the garden xeriscape?
A. Mom, is that you?

Q. What should you bake to celebrate a successful fall cactus garden?
A. Sticky buns!

Q. Which song does a suburban farmer sing if he really needs a building for his garden animals?
A. If I Only Had A Barn.

Q. What did the exhausted guy say when he gave up on mowing the grass?
A. I fought the lawn and the lawn won!

Q. Which cop show do sprinkler repairmen binge watch?
A. Lawn and Order.

Q. How did the hot new sod company describe its approach to getting more business?
A. Grass roots.

Q. Which plant likes Halloween the most? A. Bam-Boo!Q. What do Dalek farmers do? A. Germinate!A farmer enjoys gazing at his pumkin patch becuase it's so gourd-geous!

Q. What do you get if you drop your Halloween pumpkin?
A. Squash.

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite garden plant?
A. A bone-zai tree.

Q. What's a skeleton's favorite plant?
A. A spine tree.

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite fruit?
A. Spine-apple.

Q. What happens when a stoner Dalek eats too many bean burritos?
A. Emergency Temporal Shit!

Q. What should you do if you come across a green alien in your garden?
A. Wait until it's ripe.

"Weed It and Reap" is funny, but if you accidentally pull out your wife's flowers it's: "Weed It and Weep," and that's not funny at all.

Q. What are Halloween gourds afraid of?
A. Things that go pumpkin the night.

Q. What do you call an athletic Halloween pumpkin?
A. Jock-o-lantern!

Q. What do you get if you drop a pumpkin?
A. Squash.

Garden Groan: On Halloween, you can sit on my pumpkin, but you butternut squash it!

Q. What's the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer? A dressmaker sews what she gathers and a farmer gathers what he sows!Q. What do you call the last Tuesday of summer? A. Achoo-sDay!Q. What do lawn ornaments do over winter break? A. Go gnome for the holidays!

Did you know that farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, turnip the covers and endive into bed?

Q. Why did the gardener need a cork?
A. Because the May garden sprung a leek.

Q. What will future gardeners from Florida wear on Mars?
A. A Spathe Suit.

Q. What did the nut tree in Brazil say when it sneezed?
A. Cashew!

Q. Why do sharks swim in salt water?
A. Because pepper makes them sneeze. (Garden variety allergies are brutal!)

Q. What advice did Tucan Sam give to the botanist?
A. Follow your node!

Q. Why did Santa Claus say when he visited the green garden?
A. Hoe, Hoe, Hoe!

Q. Why don't reindeer like picnics?
A. Because of all the ant-lures.

Q. What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the roof?
A. An elf-cicle.

| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |

| Garden Gnome Jokes | Lost Gnome Jokes | Creepy Garden Gnome Puns | Mobile Gnome Jokes |
| Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Fruit Humor | Apple Jokes | Banana Puns | Lemon Puns | Orange Puns | Strawberry Jokes |
| Animal Poop Puns | Bear Jokes | Insect Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes and Snake Puns |
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |


PainfulPuns Home
You've laughed a lawn, but here's a bounty of laughter, flowery humor,
over-groan jokes and kick grass painful puns that'll make you mown:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Chef Jokes | Cheese Puns | Colorado Jokes | Cowboy Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes | E.T. Alien Jokes | Ghost Jokes |
| Halloween Jokes | Hipster Jokes | Light Bulb Jokes | Mountain Jokes | Music Humor | Pig Puns | Police Jokes |
| Scientist Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Travel Jokes | Weather Jokes | Witch Jokes |

Edible Puns, Fun with Food Clucking Funny Farm Animal Puns Animal Puns, Wildlife Humor
Pet Puns + Jokes = Funny Pet Peeves Gnome Puns Intended Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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