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Alien says: You might be from Colorado if you believe in going green!
Q. What's the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer? One is a bird watcher, and the other's a word botcher.

 


Homegrown Humor, Garden Jokes, Yard Puns
Unearth a bumper crop of backyard jokes, garden grins, dirty humor and chlorophyll puns.

Gardening Jokes, Backyard Puns, Green Humor
(Because Seedy Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Suburban Gardeners, Especially on Weeds-Day!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! You might not dig the dirty jokes, earthy humor, or seedy puns ahead.
| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |

Q. What do you get when Bigfoot walks in your garden? A. Squash!Zombie asks: Ho do you keep a Denver Bronco out of your yard? A. Put up goal posts! Go Broncos!Q. What do you get when you cross Batman with a tree? A. Spruce Wayne!

Q. Is it possible to scare a squatch out of your yard by tossing eggs at him?
A. Only if you egg-sterminate him.

Green Wisdom: Gardening is just another day at the plant!

Chile Gardening Fact of the Day: Habaneros bite!

There is peace and caring in the garden! Well actually ... peas and carrots.

Q. What did the woman say to her dog, Barry, after he dug up her fruit patch?
A. That's the last straw, Barry!

Q. How are gardeners are like doctors?
A. Both bury their mistakes.

Green Fact of the Day: There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments.

Gardener Pick-Up Line: If you were a flower, I'd pick you!

Q. Why did Batman climb a tree?
A. He was looking for teenage Robin's love nest (and Playbird Magazine).

Q. Why are gardeners the best gossips?
A. Because growers have the best dirt.

Gardener's Alibi: A little dirt never hurts.

A life without dreams is like a garden without flowers.

You might be from Colorado if you know the names of all the hot peppers and can eat them without hurting yourself!Dandelions Say: Happy Weeds-Day!You might be from Colorado if you use bear-proof trash cans!

Q. Why did the garden jalapeno put on a sweater?
A. Because it was a little chile.

Q. What is a spicy taco's favorite movie?
A. Catch Me If You Cayenne.

Q. Why can't you trust a veggie burrito at Taco Bell?
A. Because it might spill the beans.

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're both difficult to get started, they emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

Q. What did the dandelion seed head say to razz the gardener?
A. Blow me!

Q. Which garden veggie is a favorite of vegetarians?
A. Eggplant.

Q. What do you call a wet bear in Colorado?
A. A drizzly bear.

Q. How many skunks does it take to make a big stink outside a Denver party port-o-potty?
A. A Phew!

Q. Why didn't the horse run faster than a trot through the gardener's melon field?
A. Because he cant-a-lope.

I have no idea how to raise chickens? So I guess I'll just have to wing it!Happy Burrs Day!Q. What do you call it when high winds ruin your outdoor event? A. Uninvited gusts!

Q. What do chickens grow on?
A. Eggplants!

Q. If fruit comes from fruit trees, where do chickens come from?
A. Poul trees!

Q. Why does a chicken coup have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan!

Q. What do you call it when a farmer's baler malfunctions?
A. Going haywire.

Q. Why did the farmer plow his field with a steam roller?
A. He wanted mashed potatoes.

Gardening Trivia: Did you know the cheetah is faster dandelion?

Q. Can bees fly in the rain?
A. Not without their yellow jackets.

Q. What did one raindrop say to the other?
A. Two's company. Three's a cloud.

Q. What is a big gust of wind's favorite color?
A. Blew!

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens? A. So he can ho ho ho!Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south!Happy Firs Day!

Q. Why did Douglas Fir go to the bar?
A. To get lit up like a Christmas tree.

Q. Why is everybody at the North Pole so thirsty?
A. No Well, No Well!

Q. When Colorado Santa's not wearing red, what is his favorite color?
A. Ganja Green.

Two snowmen were standing in a yard. One asked the other, "Do you smell carrot?" The other snowman replied, "No, but I can taste coal."

Q. What did the snowlady say to her stoner hubby?
A. I warned you about getting plowed!

Q. What foot attire do gardening ghosts wear during the winter?
A. BOOOts.

Horticulturist Point to Ponder: If trees could @#$%! you, wood they?

Q. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
A. They keep dropping their needles.

Xmas Eve Pick-Down Line: Save a Tree! Eat a Beaver.

| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |

| Garden Gnome Jokes | Lost Gnome Jokes | Creepy Garden Gnome Puns | Mobile Gnome Jokes |
| Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Fruit Humor | Apple Jokes | Banana Puns | Lemon Puns | Orange Puns | Strawberry Jokes |
| Animal Poop Puns | Bear Jokes | Insect Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes and Snake Puns |
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |


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You're firmly rooted here, so unearth a bumper crop of laughter,
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