Wild Animal Pun: Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot!   PainfulPuns.com - Garden Puns, Green Jokes, Grow Groans!

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Q. What did the tree say to the wind? A. Leaf me alone!
Hulks Says: He broe his wife's garden figurine and now he has to break it to her!
What did the religious owner of a pest control company say to inspire his employees? "Brothers and sisters, let us spray."

 


Gardening Jokes, Plant Puns, Backyard Humor
Cultivate a banner crop of funny garden jokes, ground-breaking humor, and dirty puns.

Garden Jokes, Rocky Puns, Cultivating Humor
(Because Down and Dirty Garden Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Backyard Gardeners Who Dig It!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Weedy funny garden jokes, buggy humor, and thorny puns ahead.
| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Humor | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Jokes |
| Animal Poop Puns | Bear Jokes | Insect Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes and Snake Puns |
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |

Q. What do you call a rabbit with fleas? A. Bugs BunnyWildlife Pun: Male deer have buck teeth!Q. Why are rivers always rich? A. Because they have two banks.

Gardening Point to Ponder: Did you realize the shovel was a ground-breaking invention?

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

Q. What did the jacked-up rabbit say to the flower before it bit it?
A. Wassup, Doc?

Q. What is a stag's favorite part of gardening?
A. Getting down and dirty with his hoes.

Q. Why couldn't the bachelor gardener's horse go faster than a walk?
A. He Cant-a-loupe.

Q. What is the official flower of I70 through Colorado?
A. The concrete cloverleaf columbine.

A lot of trees were dying, but to save them, experts needed to figure out the root of the problem.

Q. Why didn't the lady gardener marry her beau?
A. Because he was too rough around the hedges.

Q. How can you tell you need to turn on your sprinklers and water the landscape?
A. Fur trees are whistling for dogs!

Hulk with Pot Leaves: Old Growers Never Die, They Just Go to SeedQ. Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? A. Because They Cantaloupe!Q. What is a honeymoon salad? A. Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Today's Gardening Factoid: The research assistant couldn't experiment with plants because he hadn't botany.

Gardening Pick-Up Line: Babe, you look absolutely radishing tonight!

Urban Gardening Point to Ponder: If I bought an ant farm, where would I find a tractor that small?

Q. Why was the melon gardener so busy over the weekend?
A. He had a long honeydew list.

Q. Why did the corn get sent to jail?
A. He was caught stalking one sweet tomato.

Gardener's Anti Pick-Up Line: Dude, I don't carrot all!

Please romaine calm and enjoy your fresh green, leafy garden salad!

Gardener Point to Ponder: If you leave your jacket outside with a packet of seeds in the pocket and it starts to rain, would you get a chia coat?

Q. Where do apples love to vacation?
A. Fuji.

Q. What is a mouse's favorite game? A. Hide and SqueakOh, give me a gnome where the buffalo roam.Animal Pun: Did you hear about the snake that gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?

Q. What is a gardener's favorite court sport?
A. Squash.

Q. What is a gardener's least fave British Invasion tribute band?
A. The Japanese Beetles!

Q. How does a gardener throw a hearty backyard party on Saturday night?
A. By turning up the beet!

Anti Pick-Up Line for Gardeners: Everybody in your family must be a cactus, because you're a real prick!

Texas Pepper Grower Point to Ponder: If it's chilie inside, should you turnip the heat?

It's evergreen and related to the pine but has no cones – Perhaps yew can tell me just what conifer tree it is?

Q. How does a snake invite visitors to his garden?
A. Every Birdie's Welcome!

Q. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A. Where's pop?

Q. Why did corn wrongly get sent to jail?
A. For stalking the sweet peas.

Punny Riddle: Q. What happens to illegally parked frogs? A. They get toad away.I used to be a road digger, but I got retrenched.Gnome Meme: Old Botanists Never Die, They Just Go to Pot

Q. What is a frog's favorite flower?
A. Croak-us!

Q. What sign was posted on the wizard's garden gate?
A. Beware of the Snap Dragons.

Q. Who wrote the book, Caring For Your Nut Orchard?
A. Phil Bird Tree.

Q. What do garden hoes say when they pray?
A. Please bless my bloomers.

Q. Why did the blonde gardener plant light bulbs?
A. She wanted to grow a power plant!

Did you hear about the company that delivers wood fragments very quickly? They even do overnight chipping.

Q. What do you call a family that grows Marijuana in their backyard?
A. A Joint Family.

Q. What did the gardener say to the invasive bindweed?
A. Let grow of me, @#$%!

Q. Who wrote the book, Evergreens Of The Desert?
A. June Epp Per.

| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |

| Garden Gnome Jokes | Lost Gnome Jokes | Creepy Garden Gnome Puns | Mobile Gnome Jokes |
| Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Fruit Humor | Apple Jokes | Banana Puns | Lemon Puns | Orange Puns | Strawberry Jokes |
| Animal Poop Puns | Bear Jokes | Insect Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes and Snake Puns |
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |


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Pet Puns + Jokes = Funny Pet Peeves Gnome Puns Intended Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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