What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy? A Rash of Good Luck   PainfulPuns.com - Garden Puns, Green Jokes, Grow Groans!

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Pot Smoking Gnome Pick-Up Line: If I had a garden, I'd put my tulips and your two lips together.
Why did the farmer quit? His celery wasn't high enough!
Why were the little strawberries upset? Because their parents were in a jam!
Hulk with Pot Leaves: Old Growers Never Die, They Just Go to Seed

 


Gardening Jokes, Plant Puns, Growing Laughter
Gather a bumper crop of gardener grins, dirty laughs, green garden jokes, and garden fresh puns.

Flora-ble Puns, Fresh Humor, Garden Jokes
(Because Grower Jokes That Produce High Yields of Laughter Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Gardeners!)
Warning: Proceed with Due Caution! Fertile funs, gardener humor, green jokes and air-able puns ahead.
| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Fruit Humor | Apple Jokes | Banana Puns | Lemon Puns | Orange Puns | Strawberry Jokes |

Q. What is the favorite flower of USA auto owners? A. The Car-Nation!Alien says: In Colorado, if you don't like weed puns, you ganja have a bad time!Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden? A month later, he was picking his teeth!

Q. What should be the national flower of the United States?
A. The four-lane cloverleaf.

Gardener Parenting Point to Ponder: If you yell at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

Q. What kind of flowers grow in outer space?
A. Sunflowers, moonflowers, and cosmos!

Q. What is the easiest way to grow your own dope?
A. Plant a man!

Q. How do you know if you're suffering from a mole problem?
A. They're giving out confidential information to other gardeners.

Q. What do you call a horny cannabis gardener?
A. A weed whacker!

Q. Which kind of show do quiet botanists really dig?
A. Plantomime.

Q. How does a dentist describe his thriving veggie garden?
A. Ahh-some!

Today's Bite of Gardening Wisdom: Never throw in the trowel!

Tonight's Garden Forecast: Dark!

Q. why did a gardener plant a light bulb? A. He wanted to grow a power plant!Q. What is your lawn's favorite day of the week? A. Dews-Day!Hulks Says: He broe his wife's garden figurine and now he has to break it to her!

Q. What do you call energy produced by a sea-based wind farm?
A. All-turn-a-tive.

Q. Watt did the big tulip blossom say to the little bulb?
A. Wassup, Bud?

Popeye Deep Garden Thought of the Day: I think, therefore I yam what I yam.

Q. What does a macho guy say after he's finally done mowing the lawn?
A. I really kicked grass!

Q. Why did that frog throw himself in front of the guy's lawn mower today?
A. He wanted to Kermit suicide.

Q. What do you call a gardener with a frog in her hair?
A. Lily.

The research assistant couldn't experiment with plants because he hadn't botany.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. Then it's soaked in blood and tears.

Q. Why do farmers always die with their boots on?
A. So they won't stub their toes when they kick the bucket. OUCH!

Q. What do you call a vegetable with PMS? A. A Cab Bitch!What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit? Straw-berries!Q. What kind of flower should you never give on Valentine's Day? A. Cauliflower!

Q. Who wrote the book, Earn Extra Cabbage Doing Yard Work?  
A. Lon Cutter and Russ L. Eves.

Q. What do you call a grumpy, short-tempered gardener?
A. A Snap Dragon.

Did you hear about the vegetable who was acquitted of manslaughter? Yeah, he beet the rap!

Q. Where do they make strawberries?
A. At the strawberry plant.

Q. How did the unripe strawberry feel about the ripe strawberry?
A. It was green with envy!

Q. What is the guideline for determining watermelon ripeness?
A. Rule of thump.

Hey, why not have a garden party? Lettuce turnip the beet!

Q. What do you get if you cross a melon and broccoli?
A. A melon-coli salad.

Q. Who wrote the home gardening how-to book, It's Organic Gardening Time?
A. Pete Moss.

Q. How are pirates and strawberry farmers different? A. A pirate buries his treasure but a farmer treasures his berries!Q. What do you call wood when it's scared? A. Petrified!Q. What do you call the first profits made from maple syrup? A. A drop in the bucket!

Q. What did the fruity pirate gardener wear over one eye?
A. A strawberry patch!

Q. Why did the Alabama gardener plant yeast in his field?
A. So the South can rise again!

Q. How do you describe it when your whole herb garden suddenly dies?
A. Falling on hard thymes.

Q. What do ghosts gardeners wear?
A. BOOOts.

Q. Which tree monster grows in the forest?
A. Frankenpine.

Q. What is very scary and hangs from trees in the jungle?
A. Frankenvines.

Q. What happened to the vegan zombie?
A. He ended up in an insane asylum where he only had access to vegetables.

Q. When do werewolf gardeners have a shootout at the Denver County fair?
A. At high moon!

Q. Why did the leaf blower quit his low-paying job?
A. Because the gardener was raking it all in.

Q. What do pigs put on pancakes?
A. Hog Cabin Syrup!

Did you hear about the farmer whose son hated the country and got a job in the city as a shoe shine boy? The farmer made hay while the son shone.

Q. What is a metaphor?
A. For grazin' yer cattle.

| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |

| Garden Gnome Jokes | Lost Gnome Jokes | Creepy Garden Gnome Puns | Mobile Gnome Jokes |
| Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Fruit Humor | Apple Jokes | Banana Puns | Lemon Puns | Orange Puns | Strawberry Jokes |
| Animal Poop Puns | Bear Jokes | Insect Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes and Snake Puns |
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |


PainfulPuns Home
Green grins cropped up this thyme, so here's even more fertile humor,
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| Saturday Jokes | Scientist Puns | Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Travel Jokes | Weather Jokes |

Clucking Funny Farm Animal Puns Animal Puns, Wildlife HumorEdible Puns, Fun with Food
Pet Puns + Jokes = Funny Pet Peeves Old Jokes & Old Never Die Puns Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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