Q. What kind of socks does a gardener wear? A. Garden Hose!   PainfulPuns.com - Garden Puns, Green Jokes, Grow Groans!

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Q. What happened when a guy fell in love with his garden? A. It made him wed his plants!
Q. What is your lawn's favorite day of the week? A. Dews-Day!
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two, but it's cramped!
Make like a pickle and dill with it!

 


Funny Gardening Jokes That'll Grow On You
Pick through a wagon load of funny garden jokes, green humor, and thyme-ly plant puns.

Garden Jokes, Flora-ble Puns, Garden Humor
(Because Homegrown Humor Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Pansies, Melon Heads, or Collie Flowers!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Gardener jokes, growing groans, and tree-mendous puns ahead.
| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |

What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy? A Rash of Good LuckOld Farmers Never Die, They Just Go To Weed. A guy drove his expensive car into a tree, and found out how the Mercedes Bends.

Q. Why did Gregor Mendel fail at handwriting class?
A. Because he kept crossing his Peas.

Q. Why did the gardener leave the store without a new shovel?
A. Because he didn't have enough cabbage.

Q. Which garden patch fruit likes to go swimming?
A. Watermelon!

Q. What is it called when a cruciferous tree feels an eerie prickly sensation?
A. Pine-tingling.

Today's Garden Tragedy: I used to be a gardener, but I lost the plot.

Q. Why is botany such a tough subject?
A. Because it weeds out the pansies.

Q. How well will your garden grow this season?
A. Only thyme will tell.

Giant Green Gardener's Wisdom: Growing your own veggie garden will bring peas on earth!

Q. Where do poems come from?
A. Poe-trees.

Q. Why did the master gardener give up on the the assessment of the shrubbery with the home owner?
A. He couldn't get a word in hedge-wise.

Q. Why did Jonathan go to jail?
A. He was a rotten apple!

Q. What do you call it when the senate strikes down an act to protect trees?
A. An axe of congress.

Q. What did the tree say to the math teacher?
A. Gee, I'm a Tree!

Gnomes with Pot Leaves: Do You Live in a Corn Field? 'Cause I'm Stalking YouWild Animal Pun: Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot!Q. What is green and goes to summer camp? A Brussels Scout

Q. How do you grow your own dope?
A. Plant a man!

Q. What do weed cheerleaders say to cheer on their garden crop?
A. We're rooting for you!

Blonde Gardener Point to Ponder: Why does fire grow when it's fed, but die when it's watered?

Q. What did the spring robin say to the early worm?
A. I'll catch cha later...

Q. What does the letter A have in common with a flower?
A. Both have bees coming after them!

Q. Which kind of bean won't grow in the garden?
A. A Jelly Bean!

Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth: Bristle Sprouts.

Q. Why did the gardener plant a rose bush in the landscape's empty patch?
A. He thought thistle do.

Q. Why is Yoda such a great gardener?
A. He has a green thumb.

Gnome Grown Means Gnoming GreenA Plateau is a High Form of FlatteryQ. What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon? A. Pork Rinds!

Green Garden Wish of the Season: If only I could grow green stuff out in my garden, as easily as I do in my refrigerator...

Q. How can you tell an organic gardener is a true master?
A. He is out standing in his manure!

Q. What do garden veggies say to begin their weekend partying?
A. Lettuce Turnip the Beet!

Q. What do healthy plants say to encourage a weary gardener?
A. Peat, I be-leaf in you!

When the gardener's wife said she was leaving him because of his unhealthy obsession with plants, he asked: "Where is this stemming from, my sweet blossom?"

The recent windstorm through the trees was an absolute de-barkle.

A watermelon walks into a bar.
Bartender asks, "What'll it be?"
Watermelon replies: "A rum and cuke, please."

Gardener Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, are you a garden? 'Cause I really dig you!

Q. Why did the blonde gardener plant each potato in a paper lunch bag?
A. She wanted to keep the dirt out of their eyes!

Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.Garden Gnome, having a bad hair day!Q. What do you get if you drop boiling water down a rabbit hole? A. Hot Cross Bunnies

Gardening Point to Ponder: Can Bok bring you Choy? If so, then Lettuce all smile!

Q. Why did the the blonde gardener wear dark glasses?
A. Because she was growing sunflowers!

Q. What did the strawberry plant say to the gardener?
A. Stop picking on me!

Sage Gardener's Wisdom: Compost is proof there IS life after death!

Q. How do green gardeners send mail?
A. Via the compost office.

Green Gardening Wisdom: Ecological gardeners always compost, because a rind is a terrible thing to waste!

Q. Which insects are the most musical?
A. Bees. They don't know the words, but they do always hum along.

Q. How does a gardener know that his veggies are on his side?
A. They're always rooting for him!

Q. Why did the cabbage win the race?
A. Because it was ahead!

| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |

| Garden Gnome Jokes | Lost Gnome Jokes | Creepy Garden Gnome Puns | Mobile Gnome Jokes |
| Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Fruit Humor | Apple Jokes | Banana Puns | Lemon Puns | Orange Puns | Strawberry Jokes |
| Animal Poop Puns | Bear Jokes | Insect Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes and Snake Puns |
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |


PainfulPuns Home
You've grown along this far, so here's even more blooming funny humor,
buggy jokes, and flora-ble painful puns that'll weedy make you laugh:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

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| Gnome Joke! | Hipster Jokes | Light Bulb Jokes | Monday Jokes | Mountain Jokes | Music Humor | Police Puns |
| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Humor | Sports Jokes | Summer Jokes | Travel Jokes | Weather Jokes | Wine Jokes |

Edible Puns, Fun with Food Clucking Funny Farm Animal Puns Gnome Puns Intended
Pet Puns + Jokes = Funny Pet Peeves Animal Puns, Wildlife Humor Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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