Q. Why did Gregor Mendel fail at handwriting class?
A. Because he kept crossing his Peas.

Q. Why did the gardener leave the store without a new shovel?
A. Because he didn't have enough cabbage.

Q. Which garden patch fruit likes to go swimming?
A. Watermelon!

Q. What is it called when a coniiferous tree feels an eerie prickly sensation?
A. Pine-tingling.

Today's Garden Tragedy: I used to be a gardener, but I lost the plot.

Q. Why is botany such a tough subject?
A. Because it weeds out the pansies.

Q. How well will your garden grow this season?
A. Only thyme will tell.

Giant Green Gardener's Wisdom: Growing your own veggie garden will bring peas on earth!

Q. Where do poems come from?
A. Poe-trees.

Q. Why did the master gardener give up on the the assessment of the shrubbery with the home owner?
A. He couldn't get a word in hedge-wise.

Q. Why did Jonathan go to jail?
A. He was a rotten apple!

Q. What do you call it when the senate strikes down an act to protect trees?
A. An axe of congress.

Q. What did the tree say to the math teacher?
A. Gee, I'm a Tree!

Q. How do you grow your own dope?
A. Plant a man!

Q. What do weed cheerleaders say to cheer on their garden crop?
A. We're rooting for you!

Blonde Gardener Point to Ponder: Why does fire grow when it's fed, but die when it's watered?

Q. What did the spring robin say to the early worm?
A. I'll catch cha later...

Q. What does the letter A have in common with a flower?
A. Both have bees coming after them!

Q. Which kind of bean won't grow in the garden?
A. A Jelly Bean!

Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth: Bristle Sprouts.

Q. Why did the gardener plant a rose bush in the landscape's empty patch?
A. He thought thistle do.

Q. Why is Yoda such a great gardener?
A. He has a green thumb.

Green Garden Wish of the Season: If only I could grow green stuff out in my garden, as easily as I do in my refrigerator...

Q. How can you tell an organic gardener is a true master?
A. He is out standing in his manure!

Q. What do garden veggies say to begin their weekend partying?
A. Lettuce Turnip the Beet!

Q. What do healthy plants say to encourage a weary gardener?
A. Peat, I be-leaf in you!

When the gardener's wife said she was leaving him because of his unhealthy obsession with plants, he asked: "Where is this stemming from, my sweet blossom?"

The recent windstorm through the trees was an absolute de-barkle.

A watermelon walks into a bar.
Bartender asks, "What'll it be?"
Watermelon replies: "A rum and cuke, please."

Gardener Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, are you a garden? 'Cause I really dig you!

Q. Why did the blonde gardener plant each potato in a paper lunch bag?
A. She wanted to keep the dirt out of their eyes!

Gardening Point to Ponder: Can Bok bring you Choy? If so, then Lettuce all smile!

Q. Why did the the blonde gardener wear dark glasses?
A. Because she was growing sunflowers!

Q. What did the strawberry plant say to the gardener?
A. Stop picking on me!

Sage Gardener's Wisdom: Compost is proof there IS life after death!

Q. How do green gardeners send mail?
A. Via the compost office.

Green Gardening Wisdom: Ecological gardeners always compost, because a rind is a terrible thing to waste!

Q. Which insects are the most musical?
A. Bees. They don't know the words, but they do always hum along.

Q. How does a gardener know that his veggies are on his side?
A. They're always rooting for him!

Q. Why did the cabbage win the race?
A. Because it was ahead!

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