Q. What is a vampire's favorite type of person to bite? A. A Redneck!   PainfulPuns.com - Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes, Deadly LOL!

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Q. What is a vampire's least favorite song? A. Another One Bites The Dust!
Q. Why do ghosts maek good cheerleaders? A. Because they have a lot of spirit!
Hellish Humor: I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried it for a spell.
Q. What can you say about a painful mummy joke? A. It Sphinx!
Q. Which is the most important subject in witch school? A. Spelling!


Monstrous Humor, Haunted Puns, Ghost Jokes
4 out of 5 ghosts BOO at our scary jokes, frightful humor, haunted laughter and dreadful puns.

Scary Jokes, Halloween Humor, Spooky Puns
('Cause Spooky Ghost Jokes, Monstrous Humor, and Scary Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream on October 31!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Killer puns, Halloween horror humor, and scary jokes haunt dead ahead.
| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted House Puns | Cannibal Jokes | Scary Cemetery Jokes |
Vampire Jokes | Blood Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | Scary Witch | Zombie Jokes |
| Scary Drinks | Frightful Food | Scary Fun | Spooky Sports | Frightful Fashion | Scary Dentist |
| Scary Halloween Jokes | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns | Scary Clowns |
| Werewolf Jokes | Scary Animals | Bat Jokes | Bigfoot Jokes | Spider Jokes | Friday the 13th |

Q. Where does a vampire like to eat lunch? A. At a Casketeria!Q. Why did the police ticket the ghost on Halloween? A. It didn't have a haunting license!Q. Which room doesn't a ghost need? A. The living room!

Q. What is a vampire's favorite kind of candy?
A. Suckers.

Q. Why was the blonde vampire considered simple-minded?
A. Because she was a complete sucker.

Q. How does a ghost say goodbye to a vampire?
A. So long, Sucker!

Q. How are Mondays like vampires?
A. Because they suck!

Q. Why did the policeman let the ghost go?
A. He couldn't pin anything on him!

Q. Why was the ghost's drug dealer arrested?
A. For possession.

Q. Why did ghosts go to a bar?
A. For the boos!

Q. What does a ghost use to open a locked door?
A. If they can't just walk through it, they’ll use a spook-key.

Q. What kind of facial hair does a ghost have?
A. A soul patch.

Q. How did the psychic speak to the ghost of the window washer?
A. She used a Squeegee Board.

Q. Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
A. He wanted to scare everybody stiff!

Q. Why did the blonde ghost try out to be a porn star?
A. 'Cause she had really big boobies.

Q. Wht did one owl say to another? A. Happy Owl-ween!Q. What did a vampire say when he hired an apprentice? A. We could use some new blood around here!Q. What do vampires think about blood transfusion? A. It's merely new fang-led nonsense!

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghoul and an owl?
A. Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot.

Q. What happened when the witch crossed a werewolf and a frog?
A. She conjured a beast that can bite you from the other side of the road.

Q. Why are werewolves considered quick-witted?
A. Because they always joke along with snappy comebacks.

Q. What's worse than a hungry vampire?
A. A thirsty vampire.

Q. What did the vampire say about the werewolf that ate garlic?
A. His bark is worse than his bite!

Q. Why did the vampire strike out?
A. He used the wrong bat!

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and aggressive Internet advertising?
A. A blood thirsty hacker.

Q. What do you get if you cross Dracula and Sir Lancelot?
A. A Bite in Shining Armor!

Q. What do you call a vampire ophthalmologist in Transylvanaia?
A. Count Dr-ocular.

Patient: Doc, I think I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will that help?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to check your neck for leaks.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A. He didn't have the guts!Q. What is a vampire's favorite fast food? A. A person with really high blood pressure!Q. Which plant likes Halloween the most? A. Bam-Boo!

Q. Why should a skeleton drink eight glasses of milk per day?
A. They say it's good for the bones.

Q. What does a French skeleton call his buddies?
A. Bone Ami.

Q. What do skeletons say when they depart on a journey?
A. Bone Voyage!

Q. What do you call a skeleton that won't get up in the morning?
A. Lazy Bones!

Q. What do you call a hungry vampire at a wedding reception?
A. Vampire, The Buffet Slayer.

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, is that blood lust I'm sensing, or just lust?

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus performer?
A. A bloody entertaining act that goes straight for the juggler!

Q. Why don't vampires like mosquitoes?
A. Vampires hate all the petty winged competitors.

Q. Who does a witch call for help with computer problems?
A. Hex Support!

Q. Why did a witch keep turning into Minnie Mouse?
A. She was having Disney spells.

Q. Why are witches great computer programmers?
A. Because they always recurse.

Q. Why did the witch toss her broom into the washing machine?
A. She wanted to make a clean sweep.

Q. why dod ghosts have to hurry while spooking people? A. Haste not, haunt not!Q. Why is there a gate around cemeteries? A. Because people are dying ot get in!After a long day frightening people, the legendary horseman was a sleepy head!

Q. What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A. A hoblin goblin!

Q. Why did a girl ghost go on a diet?
A. She wanted to keep her ghoulish figure.

Q. What happens if a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A. He is mist!

Q. What haunting footwear do stylish cowboy ghosts wear?
A. BOOOts.

Q. How do you describe an arctic graveyard?
A. Bone chilling.

Deadly Funny Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the Cessna that crashed into the graveyard? Over 50 bodies have been recovered so far. Which is odd, considering that it was a four seat plane.

Q. What is spooky and lives on the ocean floor?
A. The Frankenstein Lobster.

Q. Why did the Invisible Man go on stage?
A. To perform a vanishing act.

Q. Why did a skeleton climb a tree?
A. Because a dog wanted his bones.

Q. Why did the skeleton visit auto repair?
A. He needed some body work.

Q. Why did a skeleton go to art school?
A. To become a skullptor.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like two beers and a mop."

Q. Why didn't the skeleton chicken cross the road?
A. She lacked the guts for the adventure.

| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted Halloween Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | 2 | 3 | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | 2 | Scary Witch Humor |
| Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Deadly Cemetery Jokes | Haunted House Humor | Werewolf Jokes |

| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze Puns, Spooky Drink LOLs | Frightful Food Puns | Scary Party Jokes |
| Scary Sports Jokes | Frightful Fashion Jokes, Scary Clothing Humor | Scary DentistJokes |
| Scary Animal Jokes | Bat Puns | Bigfoot Sightings | 2 | Spider | Zombie Jokes | Brain Puns | 2 |
| Vampire Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Vampire Arts | Bloody Funny | 2 | Friday the 13th Humor |

| Scary Days | Old Never Die Jokes | Clown Jokes | Chilling Winter Humor | Holiday Party Jokes |

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You've BOOed along this far, so here's even more gruesome humor,
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| Actor Jokes | Blonde Jokes | BOOs Puns | Candy Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Cross the Road Jokes | Diet Jokes |
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| Sci-Fi Jokes | Sports Puns | Stinky Jokes | Thunderstorm Humor | Toad Jokes | Travel Jokes | Weed Jokes |

Edible Puns, Fun with FoodOld Jokes & Old Never Die Puns Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!
Monstrously Funny Puns Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes Sick Puns, Healthy Laughs

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