Q. Why couldn't the ghost see its mom and dad? A. They were trans-parents!   PainfulPuns.com - Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes, Deadly LOL!

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Q. What does a skeleton say before dinner? A. Bone Appetit
Q. What do ghosts use to wash their hair? A. Sham-boo!
Vampire Says: Happy Foe Day!
Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner? A. S-Boo-Ghetti!


Terrifying Puns, Horror Humor, Scary Jokes
4 out of 5 ghouls moan about frightful ghost humor, ghastly jokes, and monstrously deadly puns.

Horror Jokes, Monster Humor, Ghoulish Puns
(Because Spooky Jokes, Ghoulish Horror Humor, and Scary Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Monsters!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Killer monster jokes, deadpan humor, and hellish puns roam undead ahead.
| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted House Puns | Cannibal Jokes | Scary Cemetery Jokes |
Vampire Jokes | Blood Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | Scary Witch | Zombie Jokes |
| Scary Drinks | Frightful Food | Scary Fun | Spooky Sports | Frightful Fashion | Scary Dentist |
| Scary Halloween Jokes | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns | Scary Clowns |
| Werewolf Jokes | Scary Animals | Bat Jokes | Bigfoot Jokes | Spider Jokes | Friday the 13th |

Q. How did a ghost say goodbye to the vampire? A. So Long, Sucker!Q. What is a ghoul's favorite cheese? A. Monster-Ella!Q. What did the vampire say after reading all these painful puns? A. They Suck!

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a ghoul?
A. A hemogoblin.

Haunted Fact of the Day: When you are a ghost, you only need 24 letters of the alphabet because nobody can C U.

Q. What do you call it when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A. A grave problem!

Q. What did the young vampire's math teacher say to his parents?
A. Dracula cannot Count.

Q. Why did the monster pour nacho cheese all over people's feet?
A. He was hungry for Dori-toes.

Q. Why did the mommy monster tell her child not to eat uranium?
A. So he wouldn't get atomic-ache.

Q. What did the crowd say when Dr. Frankenstein shoved a big beast into a wooden box?
A. You've crated a monster!

Q. What does the Loch Ness monster eat?
A. Fish and ships.

Q. What did Dracula say to The Invisible Man?
A. Long time, no see.

Q. Who does a movie star vampire get letters from?
A. Members of his fang club!

Q. What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. Why did Count Dracula take up acting?
A. Because it was in his blood.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night!Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school? A. His heart wasn't in it!Q. What does a vampire on a diet drink? A. Blood Light!

Q. Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A. It was a stake sandwich.

Q. Why didn't the vampire ever marry?
A. He was a confirmed bat-chelor.

Q. What do you call a vampire with asthma?
A. Vlad the inhaler.

Q. What do you call the guy who started a company to rid people of vampires?
A. The main stakeholder.

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A. The trombone!

Q. How do skeletons stay in contact?
A. They use the tele-bone.

Q. What do you call a skeleton that won't get up in the morning?
A. Lazy Bones!

Q. Why can't skeleton musicians play at church?
A. 'Cause they have no organs.

Q. Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, wanna be immortal for just one night?

Q. What do you call a communist vampire?
A. A red blood count.

Q. How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?
A. With a kill-o-byte.

Q. why are ghosts so bad at lying? A. Because you can see right through them!Q. What do you call a fat pumpkin? A. A Plumpkin!Q. What do you call a short vampire? A. A pain in the knee!

Q. What does a ghost take when it suffers from acid reflux?
A. Phan-Tums.

Q. What do you call the ghost of a homeless guy?
A. A ho-boo.

Q. How much did the psychic know about ghosts?
A. A medium amount of information.

Q. What do you call a pretty pumpkin?
A. Gourdgeous.

Q. What are gourds afraid of?
A. Things that go pumpkin the night.

Q. What do you call an athletic pumpkin?
A. Jock-o-lantern!

Q. Who won the skull beauty contest?
A. No body.

Q. Why do people hate being bitten by vampires so much?
A. Because it's a drain in the neck!

Q. Why was the snarky teenage prince vampire kicked out of the house?
A. Because he was a royal pain in the neck.

Q. Are monsters good at math?
A. Not unless you Count Dracula.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite fast food restaurant? A. Murder King!Q. What is a heckler's favorite slogan? A. Just boo it!Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other? A. They don't have the guts!

Shrink: How do you see yourself?
Dracula: I don't.

Q. What does Dracula's torch run on?
A. Bat-teries!

Two nuns were driving down the road when a vampire jumped out in front of them. One nun say, "Quickly, show him your cross!" The second nun rolls down the window and yells, "Get out of the road, you dumb jerk!"

Q. Where are LGBT vampires from?
A. Trans-ylvania.

Q. Is it possible to kill a monster by throwing eggs at him?
A. Yes, that is called egg-stermination!

Q. Where do you find monster snails?
A. On the end of monster fingers.

Patient: Doc, I keep dreaming there's a monster under my bed. What can I do?
Shrink: Saw the legs off your bed frame.

Q. Who is the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon Bone-apart.

Q. When does a skeleton laugh?
A. When something tickles his funny bone!

Did you hear about the two new skeleton teachers? One's humerus, but the other is very sternum.

Q. What do you call a corpse that won’t admit its sexuality?
A. A skeleton in the closet.

Q. Where does a skeleton go to party on Saturday night?
A. A hip joint.

| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted Halloween Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | 2 | 3 | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | 2 | Scary Witch Humor |
| Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Deadly Cemetery Jokes | Haunted House Humor | Werewolf Jokes |

| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze Puns, Spooky Drink LOLs | Frightful Food Puns | Scary Party Jokes |
| Scary Sports Jokes | Frightful Fashion Jokes, Scary Clothing Humor | Scary DentistJokes |
| Scary Animal Jokes | Bat Puns | Bigfoot Sightings | 2 | Spider | Zombie Jokes | Brain Puns | 2 |
| Vampire Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Vampire Arts | Bloody Funny | 2 | Friday the 13th Humor |

| Scary Days | Old Never Die Jokes | Clown Jokes | Chilling Winter Humor | Holiday Party Jokes |

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