Q. Why was the skeleton so mean? A. He didn't have a heart!   PainfulPuns.com - Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes, Deadly LOL!

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Q. What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula? A. Join His Fang Club!
Q. What can you say about a painful mummy joke? A. It Sphinx!
Q. What did the vampire say after reading all these painful puns? A. They Suck!
Q. What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? A. Candy Cornea!
Q. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? A. Frostbite!


Deadly Humor, Frightful Puns, Monstrous Jokes
Suck up bloody scary vampire puns, ghoulish humor, and deadly funny jokes that really bite!

Horror Humor, Scary Jokes, Bloody Funny Puns
(Because Grim Ghoul Jokes, Haunted Horror Humor, and Scary Vampire Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Biting vampire humor, ghoulish jokes, and bloody funny puns ahead are deadly.
| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted House Puns | Cannibal Jokes | Scary Cemetery Jokes |
Vampire Jokes | Blood Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | Scary Witch | Zombie Jokes |
| Scary Drinks | Frightful Food | Scary Fun | Spooky Sports | Frightful Fashion | Scary Dentist |
| Scary Halloween Jokes | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns | Scary Clowns |
| Werewolf Jokes | Scary Animals | Bat Jokes | Bigfoot Jokes | Spider Jokes | Friday the 13th |

Q. Whare do vampires like to go fishing? A. In the blood stream!Q. What do you call a cleaning ghoul? A. The Grim Sweeper!Q. What is a vampire's favorite holiday? A. Fangs-Giving!

Q. Why are vampires so impulsive?
A. 'Cause they never reflect on things.

Q. What is Dracula's porn star name?
A. Vlad the Impaler.

Q. How do vampires get around?
A. On blood vessels.

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a school teacher?
A. Lots of blood tests.

Q. How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. It depends if you Count Dracula.

Q. What might you give a skeleton on Valentine's Day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart-shaped box.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the disco?
A. He heard it was a hip joint.

Q. What is it called when you pat a skeleton on the back?
A. A spinal tap.

Q. How did skeletons send mail in the Old West?
A. By Bony Express.

Q. Which football team do skeletons root for?
A. Tampa Bay Bucaneers.

Q. Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?
A. For exceeding the feed limit.

Q. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
A. Spareribs.

Q. What do monsters eat at October barbeques?
A. Hallo-weenies!

Q. Why don't vampires suck the blood of clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.

Q. What is a vampire's lover called? A. His Ghoul Friend!Q. What does a witch use to keep her hair up? A. Scare spray!Q. What kind of pants do ghosts wear? A. Boo Jeans!

Q. Why did the guy break up with his vampire girlfriend?
A. 'Cause she sucked the life right out of him.

Q. Who does a movie star vampire get letters from?
A. Members of his fang club!

Q. What do you get if you cross a laptop and a vampire?
A. Love at first byte.

Q. How does a vampire start a letter?
A. Tomb it may concern.

Q. Why don't witches go fishing?
A. Because they can only cast spells.

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. Why did the witches lose the baseball game?
A. Their bats all flew away.

Q. What kind of makeup do witches wear?
A. Ma-scare-a.

Q. What did the skeleton say to his ghoul friend?
A. I love every bone in your body!

Q. How do you get into a ghost drama school?
A. Just act supernatural.

Q. What do you call a creepy pervert in a haunted house?
A. A peek-a-boo!

Q. What do you call a cloned skeleton who uses the door bell?
A. A dead ringer!

Hulk Says: Chuck Norris does not take showers! He takes blood baths!Why doesn't anybody get married on WEDnesday?Q. Why did the vampire act so batty? A. It was in his blood!

Children look under the bed before going to sleep to check for monsters. Monsters look under the bed to check for Chuck Norris.

Q. How does a werewolf sign his letters?
A. Best Vicious!

Q. What is a monster's favorite dinosaur?
A. A terror-dactyl.

Q. Where do monsters like to go hiking?
A. Death Valley.

Q. How does the Frankenstein monster make everybody laugh?
A. He keeps them all in stitches.

Q. Why did the monster squeeze his ghoulfriend to death?
A. He had a crush on her.

Q. Why didn't 4 enter the haunted house on Halloween?
A. Because it was 2 squared.

Q. What's creepy and leads to the second floor af a haunted house?
A. Monstairs!

Q. Where was the guy when he saw a horde of pale, emaciated figures with haunted eyes that shows the agony of living death?
A. At a vegan restaurant.

Bloody Funny Groan of the Day: A guy was arrested by the police and charged for killing a number of vampires. They've got him on three counts.

Q. Which type of underwear do vampire actors wear?
A. Movie Shorts.

Q. What did the baby vampire say to his mommy?
A. "Please turn off the switch. I'm afraid of the light!"

Q. What do monsters use to get into their houses?
A. Skeleton keys.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit? A. Booberries!Q. What's a vampire's favorite drink? A. A Bloody Mary!Q. What do vampires take when they're sick? A. Coffin Drops!

Q. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
A. He could feel it in his bones.

Q. Where do ghosts go sailing?
A. Lake Eerie!

Q. What did the ghost say when another ghost said, "Boo, Gotcha!"?
A. Them's Frightin' Words!

Did you hear about the accurate psychic skeleton? He just felt it in his bones.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite beer?
A. Bloodweiser.

Q. What did the three vampires order at the bar?
A. Two Bloods and a Blood Light.

Q. What is a vampire's least favorite city?
A. Philadelphia, because it's always sunny there.

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite classic rock band?
A. The Grateful Dead.

Q. How did the monster cure his sore throat?
A. He spent all day gargoyle-ing.

Q. What subject did Dracula major in during college?
A. AcCounting.

Q. What is it call when Dracula rearranges the furniture in his castle?
A. Fang Shui.

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, I can make your heart beat again.

| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted Halloween Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | 2 | 3 | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | 2 | Scary Witch Humor |
| Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Deadly Cemetery Jokes | Haunted House Humor | Werewolf Jokes |

| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze Puns, Spooky Drink LOLs | Frightful Food Puns | Scary Party Jokes |
| Scary Sports Jokes | Frightful Fashion Jokes, Scary Clothing Humor | Scary DentistJokes |
| Scary Animal Jokes | Bat Puns | Bigfoot Sightings | 2 | Spider | Zombie Jokes | Brain Puns | 2 |
| Vampire Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Vampire Arts | Bloody Funny | 2 | Friday the 13th Humor |

| Scary Days | Old Never Die Jokes | Clown Jokes | Chilling Winter Humor | Holiday Party Jokes |

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