Mind-Numbing Thought of the Day: Losing your head in an emergency is a real no brainer.

Q. What happened when the doctor told the blonde to stop using a Q-tip?
A. It went in one ear and out the other.

Sick Point to Ponder: When a doctor prescribes medicine and bed rest, is that considered aiding and abedding?

The saying "There's more pleasure in giving than receiving" mostly applies to advice – and medicine.

Q. What is post operative?
A. A person who delivers mail to the hospital.

Q. Why did the cross-eyed clairvoyant go see her optometrist?
A. Because she was seeing the past and the future at the same time.

A lady walked into a shrink's office and announced that she had a screw loose. The blonde receptionist sent her to the optician's office next door.

Q. What did the optometrist say to the patient with three eyes?
A. Aye, Aye, Aye.

A guy goes to an optician's office and asks how much glasses cost. The optician told him it varies. The guy said, "Oh, I see clearly..." So, the optician replied, "Well, you don't need them then!"

The pessimist who hated sausage feared the wurst.

Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. I'll give the good news to your widow.

Overheard at the Doctor's Office: Coin collecting is the one instance where you are glad to hear something got diagnosed with MS.

Q. Why did the mattress go see a doctor?
A. Because it had spring fever.

Sick, Sick Hookup Line: Hey girl, playing Doctor is for kids. Let's go back to my place and play Gynecologist.

Q. Where do sick boats go to get healthy?
A. To the dock!

Q. What is a pharmacist?
A. Someone who deals in green meds.

Q. What kind of physician works on a cruise ship?
A. A Dry Doc.

Q. What is it called when you start to write a poem, but start to itch and sneeze?
A. An elegy attack.

Sick Chat Up Line: Hey girl, I'm not an organ donor, but I'd gladly give you my heart.

Q. How does a blonde define rectum?
A. Almost killed 'em.

Sick Bumper Sticker: Support Bacteria. It's the only culture we have left.

Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.

Frantic Guy on the Phone: My wife is in labor. Her contractions are two minutes apart!
Nurse: Is this her first child?
Frantic Guy: No, you idiot. This is her husband!

Q. What was the overdue expectant mother most worried about?
A. The birth wait.

Q. What is an enema?
A. Not a friend!

Q. How do you know a 43,560 square-foot tooth is bad?
A. Because it's an acre!

Q. What do you call the fear of flossing your teeth?
A. Flosstrophobia!

Q. How do you get to Tooth Island?
A. Aboard the Tooth Ferry!

Q. What happened after the guy had a first date with a dental hygienist?
A. She said she'd had a great time and she'd like to see me again in six months...

Call me an ambulance!
You're an ambulance.

Q. What did the doctor say about the bird flu?
A. Don't worry. It's tweetable!

An old woman got the Amish Flu. First she got a little horse, then she got a little buggy...

Q. Why was a duck arguing with the plastic surgeon?
A. Because he wanted to have his bill reduced.

Medical Point to Ponder: Why is an animal doc called a vet instead of a dogtor?

Sick Groan of the Day: Marathon medical pun readers suffer in agony, as well.

Patient: I keep hearing ringing noises.
Doctor: Try answering the phone.

Have you seen this year's brand new blonde Dr. Barbie plastic surgeon doll? It operates on DD batteries!

Q. What did the blonde write on the form in the who to contact in case of emergency blank?
A. A very good doctor!

Patient: I keep thinking I'm a wood worm.
Shrink: Oh, how boring for you!

Today's Hypochondria: I don't have Bipolar Disease. It must be Down's Syndrome because I can handle the ups, but not the downs!

Q. Why do doctors trust hypochondriacs?
A. Because non of their plans are ill-conceived.

Patient: I think I'm a burglar.
Shrink: Have you taken anything for it?

Patient: Doc, I think I'm a Taco Bell.
Shrink: Take two tacos. If that doesn't help, give me a ring.

Q. How do you define pathological?
A. A reasonable way to go...

Patient: Last night I dreamed that I ate a giant marshmallow.
Shrink: I see. What's wrong with that? Patient: In the morning, my pillow was gone.

Patient: Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.
Shrink: That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.
Patient: Is that rare?
Shrink: It's Not Unusual.

Q. What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea?
A. Denis!

Q. Why do so many people dislike going to the dentist?
A. Because he's boring!

Q. What is a drill team?
A. A group of dentists who all work together!

Dental Groan of the Day: This toothache is driving me to extraction! And, it's nearly as Painful as these Puns.

Q. What time does the dental hygienist take her break?
A. Tooth Hurty.

Q. Why do you forget about a tooth right after the dentist pulls it?
A. Duh! Because it goes right out of your head!

I didn't plan on specializing, but you look pretty special to me! Dentists really do use the worst pick up lines!

Q. What do you call the practical advice your dentist gives you?
A. His fill-osophy.

Patient: Doc, do you always extract teeth painlessly?
Dentist: Frankly, No. Last month I dislocated my wrist.

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