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Doctor's Office Jokes, Sick Puns, Health Humor
Head
on in for sick doctor humor, eye-ronic puns, toothy laughs and brainy
medical jokes.
Sick Jokes, Funny Doctor Puns, Medical Laughs
(Because Pharmaceutals Are
TOO Mainstream and Laughter Really is the Best
Medicine for Whatever Ails You!) |
Warning:
Proceed at Your Own Risk! Medical jokes, examination room humor,
and prescription puns ahead.
| Sick Medical Jokes, Healthy Humor |
Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | Dentist
Jokes, Toothy Grins |
| Surgeon Jokes | Body
Puns | Germ Jokes | Urologist
Jokes | Constipation LOLs
| Diarrhea Puns |
| Shribk Jokes | Eye
Puns | Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology
Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses
|
| Eye Doctor Jokes | Dopey
Pharmaceutical Puns | Futuristic Medical
Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes |
My
toothache is driving me to Extraction... Is that in Nevada
or Utah?
Q.
Why did the tatoo artist's molar just want to be left alone?
A. It needed time tooth-ink.
Q.
Why are dentists such expert problem solvers?
A. They always get to the root of the problem.
Dental
Hygeinist: What kind of filling do you want in your tooth?
Overly Anesthetized Blonde: Chocolate. |
Q.
How can you tell you've got a great optometrist?
A. His eye puns are as corneas it gets!
Myopic
Squint of the Day: Guess who I bumped into at my optometrist's
office today? Everyone.
Q.
Why was the optometrist served a subpoena to testify in
the trial?
A. He was an excellent eye witness.
Q.
What does an eye doctor say when asked what his profession
is?
A. Eye am an optometrist.
|
Q.
What is a literate tooth's favorite novel?
A. Enamel Farm.
Q.
How far is it to the fang's dentist office?
A. Tooth smiles.
Q.
How did the blonde try to fix her broken molar?
A. With toothpaste!
Did
you hear about the lawyer who had the nerve to ask his dentist
for a retainer?
Q.
What did the dentist say to the computer?
A. This won't hurt a byte. |
It's clear to see that opticians are not just in it for
the frame and fortune!
Q.
How are eyeglasses like new electronics and smart appliances?
A. They're eye tech.
It's
equally apparent we'll get 20 lashes for that painful pun!
A
lady walked into the optician's office and announced, "I
have a screw loose." The optician replied, "Don't
worry madam. There are three practitioners who can help
you around the corner." |
Q.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
A. You're a real pain.
Q.
Which street does the hippocampus live on?
A. Memory Lane.
Q.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
A. A Cell Phone!
Q.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
A. Brainstorms.
|
Q.
What did the optometrist's lawyer say to the judge?
A. Iris my case.
Q.
What did the near-sighted chihuahua say when he finally
got the eye doctor joke?
A. Eye Carumba!
Patient:
I keep seeing double.
Eye Doctor: Well, just sit in that chair.
Patient: Which one?
Q.
What did the eye doctor say to the zombie during the exam?
A. Please don't roll your eyes toward me! |
Me
without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe without
laces, and a dentist jokewithoutspaces!
Q.
What happened when the guy went to his dentist for root
canal?
A. He lost his nerve!
Dentist
Pick-Up Line: Hey girl,
are you my wisdom tooth? 'Cause I ache tooth
take you out.
Q.
If you brush your teeth at night to keep your teeth, why
do you brush your teeth in the morning?
A. To keep your friends! |
Doc,
I have lost focus sitting here on my posterior chamber.
Perhaps you could lens me some help? Or, would that be outside
your periphery?
Q.
Why was the new eye glasses shop so profitable and popular?
A. Because the optician was an eye-deal-ist.
Q.
What do ophthalmologists say about painful eye puns?
A. These jokes are so eye-ronic!
Q.
What did the detective say when the stolen contact lenses
were recovered?
A. Looks like we've closed the lid on this case.
|
Q.
What is your dentist's favorite day of the week?
A. Tooths-day!
Q.
Where do spaced-out teeth like to shop?
A. The Gap.
Q.
Where do killer whales go to get braces?
A. To an orca-dontist.
Did
you hear about the boy who had to brace himself for his
next visit to the orthodontist's office?
Dentist
Pick-Up Line: You look so
sweet that you're giving me a cavity. |
See
Sick Eye Doctor Pick Up Line:
Hey babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean, and I am lost
at see.
Q.
How does an eye doctor know if eyes are flirting?
A. They go: Wink, Wink!
Blinding
Bleach Blonde Fact of the Day: Sometimes when I close my
eyes, I can't see.
Q.
Why did a woman go to the optician to return a pair of glasses
she bought for her husband?
A. He still wasn't seeing things her way. |
Sick
Understatement of the Day: Losing your head in an emergency
is a no brainer.
Q.
What did the parietal say to the frontal?
A. I lobe you!
Q.
What did the axon terminal say to tthe receptor when they
broke up?
A. I need my space.
Q.
What works best, after it's fired?
A. A Neuron!
Q.
Why should you keep matches away from a neuron?
A. You might cause it to fire an action potential.
|
Q.
Why did Satan come after the optometrist?
A. Because his jokes were cornea than Hell!
Visionary
Fact of the Day: Optometrists are never short sighted.
Focused
Fact of the Day: Optometrists know how to blur the comedy
line between genius and insanity.
Q.
Why was optometry school so easy for the focused pupil?
A. Because he was a visual learner.
Q.
Why did the psychic drink so much?
A. She heard alcohol could double her vision.
|
|
Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy
Humor | 1 | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6 | 7
| 8 | 9 | 10
|
| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | Dentist
Jokes, Toothy Grins | 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
|
| Germ Jokes and Viral Virus Puns
| How Many Doctors Does It Take To
Change A Light Bulb? |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist
Jokes | Constipation Jokes
| Diarrhea Jokes | Blood
Jokes | 2 | Vet
|
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic
Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes
| Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor
| 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | Eye
Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology
Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses
Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes
| Addict Jokes, Rehab Puns | Brainy
Puns, Cerebral Jokes | 2 |
| Body Jokes | Human
Anatomy Jokes | Inner Body Puns,
Back Jokes | Butt Jokes | Heart
Humor |
| Male Body Jokes, Viagra Jokes | Female
Body Jokes | Chest Jokes, Pec Puns,
Breast Humor |
| Head Humor | Face
Jokes | Ear Puns | Nose
Jokes | Neck Puns | Ear,
Nose, Throat Humor |
| Mouth Jokes | Hand
Jokes, Finger Puns, Arm Humor | Leg
Jokes | Foot Jokes | Belly
Laughs |
You're
still alive and kicking,
so here's even more contagious
humor,
communicable jokes, and sick
painful puns that'll take your breath
away:
|
More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
|
Bartender Jokes | Cannabis
Puns | Cemetery Jokes |
Chef Jokes | Daily
Groans | Diet Puns | Fitness
Humor |
| Gym Jokes | Lawyer
Jokes | Magician Jokes | Manly
Jokes | Money Groans | Music
Puns | Psychic Jokes |
| Religion Jokes | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Undead Jokes | Vampire
Puns | Vegan Jokes |
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for stopping by and see you again soon!
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