Q. What do neurons use to talk to each other? A. A cell phone!   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A. Only one, but the bulb has to really watt to change!
Q. Where are neurons jailed if they commit a crime? A. A nerve cell!
Friendly chiropactors always have your back.
Proctologists reASSure patients their problem can be rectified. (Ouch!)
McCoy Says: Doctor's orders, Jim. Be a vulcan in the streets and a Klingon in the sheets!

 


Doctor's Office Jokes, Sick Puns, Health Humor
Head on in for sick doctor humor, eye-ronic puns, toothy laughs and brainy medical jokes.

Sick Jokes, Funny Doctor Puns, Medical Laughs
(Because Pharmaceutals Are TOO Mainstream and Laughter Really is the Best Medicine for Whatever Ails You!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Medical jokes, examination room humor, and prescription puns ahead.
| Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Dentist Jokes & Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |

A book never written: Life Is A Dentist by Flo RideQ. What do you get if you cross an optometrist convention and a donkey auction? A. Two eye-gl-asses for the price of one!A book never written: Dental Examination by Hope N Wide

My toothache is driving me to Extraction... Is that in Nevada or Utah?

Q. Why did the tatoo artist's molar just want to be left alone?
A. It needed time tooth-ink.

Q. Why are dentists such expert problem solvers?
A. They always get to the root of the problem.

Dental Hygeinist: What kind of filling do you want in your tooth?
Overly Anesthetized Blonde: Chocolate.

Q. How can you tell you've got a great optometrist?
A. His eye puns are as corneas it gets!

Myopic Squint of the Day: Guess who I bumped into at my optometrist's office today? Everyone.

Q. Why was the optometrist served a subpoena to testify in the trial?
A. He was an excellent eye witness.

Q. What does an eye doctor say when asked what his profession is?
A. Eye am an optometrist.

Q. What is a literate tooth's favorite novel?
A. Enamel Farm.

Q. How far is it to the fang's dentist office?
A. Tooth smiles.

Q. How did the blonde try to fix her broken molar?
A. With toothpaste!

Did you hear about the lawyer who had the nerve to ask his dentist for a retainer?

Q. What did the dentist say to the computer?
A. This won't hurt a byte.

Q. What happened to the optician who fell into the lens grinder? A. He made a spectacle of himself!Q. When does a brain become afraid A. When it loses its nerve!Q. What does your optician sy if you do't laugh at his pun? A. Lens not lose sight of the humor!

It's clear to see that opticians are not just in it for the frame and fortune!

Q. How are eyeglasses like new electronics and smart appliances?
A. They're eye tech.

It's equally apparent we'll get 20 lashes for that painful pun!

A lady walked into the optician's office and announced, "I have a screw loose." The optician replied, "Don't worry madam. There are three practitioners who can help you around the corner."

Q. What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
A. You're a real pain.

Q. Which street does the hippocampus live on?
A. Memory Lane.

Q. What do neurons use to talk to each other?
A. A Cell Phone!

Q. What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
A. Brainstorms.

Q. What did the optometrist's lawyer say to the judge?
A. Iris my case.

Q. What did the near-sighted chihuahua say when he finally got the eye doctor joke?
A. Eye Carumba!

Patient: I keep seeing double.
Eye Doctor: Well, just sit in that chair.
Patient: Which one?

Q. What did the eye doctor say to the zombie during the exam?
A. Please don't roll your eyes toward me!

A book never written: Pain Management by Nova CaneQ. What are eyeglasses called on Vulcan? A. Spocktacles! A book never sritten: I Have A Toothache by Phil McCavity

Me without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe without laces, and a dentist jokewithoutspaces!

Q. What happened when the guy went to his dentist for root canal?
A. He lost his nerve!

Dentist Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, are you my wisdom tooth? 'Cause I ache tooth take you out.

Q. If you brush your teeth at night to keep your teeth, why do you brush your teeth in the morning?
A. To keep your friends!

Doc, I have lost focus sitting here on my posterior chamber. Perhaps you could lens me some help? Or, would that be outside your periphery?

Q. Why was the new eye glasses shop so profitable and popular?
A. Because the optician was an eye-deal-ist.

Q. What do ophthalmologists say about painful eye puns?
A. These jokes are so eye-ronic!

Q. What did the detective say when the stolen contact lenses were recovered?
A. Looks like we've closed the lid on this case.

Q. What is your dentist's favorite day of the week?
A. Tooths-day!

Q. Where do spaced-out teeth like to shop?
A. The Gap.

Q. Where do killer whales go to get braces?
A. To an orca-dontist.

Did you hear about the boy who had to brace himself for his next visit to the orthodontist's office?

Dentist Pick-Up Line: You look so sweet that you're giving me a cavity.

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye, but I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone on the side!Q. What do you get if you cross a thought and a light bulb? A. A bright idea!Q. Why did the optometrist couple get divorced? A. They just couldn't see eye to eye!

See Sick Eye Doctor Pick Up Line: Hey babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean, and I am lost at see.

Q. How does an eye doctor know if eyes are flirting?
A. They go: Wink, Wink!

Blinding Bleach Blonde Fact of the Day: Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Q. Why did a woman go to the optician to return a pair of glasses she bought for her husband?
A. He still wasn't seeing things her way.

Sick Understatement of the Day: Losing your head in an emergency is a no brainer.

Q. What did the parietal say to the frontal?
A. I lobe you!

Q. What did the axon terminal say to tthe receptor when they broke up?
A. I need my space.

Q. What works best, after it's fired?
A. A Neuron!

Q. Why should you keep matches away from a neuron?
A. You might cause it to fire an action potential.

Q. Why did Satan come after the optometrist?
A. Because his jokes were cornea than Hell!

Visionary Fact of the Day: Optometrists are never short sighted.

Focused Fact of the Day: Optometrists know how to blur the comedy line between genius and insanity.

Q. Why was optometry school so easy for the focused pupil?
A. Because he was a visual learner.

Q. Why did the psychic drink so much?
A. She heard alcohol could double her vision.

| Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Dentist Jokes & Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |


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Smart Humor! Science + Math = Puns Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!
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