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Funny
Doctor Jokes, Sick Puns, Healthy Laughs
Contagious
laughs, viral puns, cold humor and sick jokes may not cure you, but you'll
feel better.
Healthy
Humor, Doctor Puns, Medical Jokes
(Because Sick Medical
Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When a Ghoulish
Phlebotomist Has Your Arm!) |
Warning:
Proceed at Your Own Risk! Forehead protection advised. Painful puns
may give you a headache. OUCH!
|
Sick Medical Jokes, Healthy Humor | Doctor
Jokes, Nurse Puns | Dentist Jokes,
Toothy Grins |
| Surgeon Jokes | Body
Puns | Germ Jokes | Urologist
Jokes | Constipation LOLs
| Diarrhea Puns |
| Shribk Jokes | Eye
Puns | Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology
Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses
|
| Eye Doctor Jokes | Dopey
Pharmaceutical Puns | Futuristic Medical
Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes |
Q.
What do you call a doctor who is always on call?
A. An Oncallogist.
Q.
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because men are all pigs.
Q.
What is bacteria at the hospital?
A. The back door to the cafeteria.
Medicinal
Fact of the Day: When you try a new cough syrup, you have
no idea what to expectorate.
Q.
Why did Dracula take cold medication?
A. It was for his coffin.
Sick
Pick-Up Line: Hey hot girl,
are you a virus? 'Cause you're having an effect on my whole
body.
Q.
Why did the composer go to a chiropractor?
A. Because he had Bach problems. |
Q.
How many orthopedists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Why don't you just take out the socket? You're not using
it anyway.
Q.
Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your
slipped disk?
A. Because they have your back.
Q.
What do you call two orthopedic doctors reading an EKG?
A. A double blind study.
Pick-Up
Line in the Bone Lab: Hey Bae, I want tibia
your date tonight!
Q.
What do allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like
flowers?
A. An aster-risk.
Orthopedic
Tip of the Day: Looking for something to tickle her funny
bone? Just make a couple of humerus witticisms! |
Medical
Bummer of the Day: I don't find doctor puns funny now that
I have an irony deficiency.
After
the guy woke up from surgery, the nurse asked how he was
feeling. He said he was okay, but didn't like hearing all
the four-letter words in the OR. The nurse asked, "What
did he say?" Guy answered, "OOPS!"
Q.
What did the doctor say to a rocket ship?
A. It's time to get your booster shot.
Medicine
Cabinet Point to Ponder: Why isn't thyme used in medicine?
After all, thyme heals all wounds.
Q.
What happened when the elderly couple watched a TV ad for
hearing aids?
A. The wife was all ears.
Q.
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
A. One pricks your finger and the other fingers your prick.
OUCH! |
Q.
Why are optometrists happy to see drunks?
A. Because everything is a blur.
Q.
Why are optometrists so smart?
A. Because they were good pupils.
Old
optometrists never retire. They just lose their focus.
Q.
What did the optometrist ask his receptionist?
A. Has anyone told you that you're beautiful today? If so,
please refer them in.
Q.
Why is it easy to trust a hypochondriac?
A. Because non of their plans are ill-conceived. |
No
wonder he's a nurse and not Dr. Gnome.
Medical
Pick-Up Line: Are you COPD?
Because you take my breath away.
Q.
What is a pharmacist?
A. A person making a living in agriculture.
Sick
Pick-Up Line: Hey baby,
do you need a love doctor? 'Cause I have a medicated
degree.
Q.
Which is the funniest medical position?
A. Chiropractor, because they always crack you up!
Nurse
Notes: The patient has no prior history of suicide...
|
Q.
Why should you be nice to your dentist?
A. Because he has fillings, too!
Today's
Dental Wisdom: Ignore your teeth, and they will
all go away.
Q.
What is the difference between a dentist and a NY Yankee
fan?
A. One yanks for the roots and the other roots for the Yanks.
Dental
Factoid of the Day: Dentists don't like having a bad day
at the orifice!
Q.
What should you do before having facial reconsturction surgery?
A. Pick your nose... |
A
guy ran into his dermatologist at a bar. Doctor asked, "Did
that mudpack I gave your wife improve your wife's appearance?"
Guy replied, "Yeah, but it kept falling off."
Q.
Why did the blonde think her mouth replacement surgery went
wrong?
A. 'Cause a voice in the back of her head kept teller her
that.
Q.
What is a secretion?
A. A good place to hide something.
Q.
What did one tonsil say to the other?
A. We'd better get dressed up because the doctor is taking
us out tonight.
Q.
Why did the chiropractor go bankrupt?
A. He owed too much in back taxes. |
Q.
What do doctors slap babies when they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Q.
What happened when the man tried to look up Impotence
on the Web?
A. Nothing Came Up!
Q.
What is the name of the surgery where a man gets a penis
enlargement?
A. Addalittledictamy.
Q.
Why did the guy's wife leave him after he spent all their
money on multiple penis enlargement surgeries?
A. Because she just couldn't take it any longer.
A
proctologist walks into a bar at the end of the
day. Before he takes a seat, he examines the stool.
|
A
podiatrist understands what it's like to walk a mile in
your shoes.
Patient:
Doc, you have to help me out!
Doctor: Oh certainly. Which way did you come in?
Q.
What is a medical staff?
A. A doctor's cane.
Q.
How can you tell the head nurse apart from all the others?
A. By the dirt on her knees.
Nurse
Notes: Patient has teenaged children, but no other apparent
abnormalities.
Q.
Why can't proctologists get out of debt?
A. Because they're always in arrears. |
Consult
Dr. Gnome pick-up jokes
for some healthy laughs.
Q.
What is cauterize?
A. When you make eye contact with the hot nurse.
Q.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They'd rather just prescribe Prozac.
When
an elderly man went to see his doctor, he was told that
he'd have to give up half his sex life. The old man asked,
"Which half? Thinking about it, or dreaming about it?"
|
Highly
contagious laughter! (Grippe is an old term for
"flu")
Q.
What is the worst thing about being a hypochondriac?
A. You're sick of being called a hypochondriac.
Q.
What is the worst thing about attending Hypochondriacs Anonymous?
A. Admitting you don't have a problem.
Q.
Which hypochondriac wrote the book, I Got Your Fear
of Germs?
A. Polly Ethel Ene.
|
Patient:
Will this ointment clear up my spots.
Doctor: Well, I never make rash promises.
Q.
Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?
A. Because it was feeling rather jumpy.
Q.
What do you call a bossy duck in a clinic?
A. A nurse quack-titioner.
Q.
What is a duck's drug of choice?
A. Quack.
Q.
What is the medical term for owning too many dogs?
A. Roverdose. |
|
Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy
Humor | 1 | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6 | 7
| 8 | 9 | 10
|
| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | Dentist
Jokes, Toothy Grins | 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
|
| Germ Jokes and Viral Virus Puns
| How Many Doctors Does It Take To
Change A Light Bulb? |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist
Jokes | Constipation Jokes
| Diarrhea Jokes | Blood
Jokes | 2 | Vet
|
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic
Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes
| Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor
| 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | Eye
Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology
Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses
Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes
| Addict Jokes, Rehab Puns | Brainy
Puns, Cerebral Jokes | 2 |
| Body Jokes | Human
Anatomy Jokes | Inner Body Puns,
Back Jokes | Butt Jokes | Heart
Humor |
| Male Body Jokes, Viagra Jokes | Female
Body Jokes | Chest Jokes, Pec Puns,
Breast Humor |
| Head Humor | Face
Jokes | Ear Puns | Nose
Jokes | Neck Puns | Ear,
Nose, Throat Humor |
| Mouth Jokes | Hand
Jokes, Finger Puns, Arm Humor | Leg
Jokes | Foot Jokes | Belly
Laughs |
You're
still hanging in there, so
here's more viral laughter,
sickening humor,
prescription jokes and lame
painful puns that are nothing to sneeze
at:
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More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
|
Bartender Jokes | Cannabis
Puns | Cemetery Jokes |
Chef Jokes | Daily
Groans | Diet Puns | Fitness
Humor |
| Gym Jokes | Lawyer
Jokes | Magician Jokes | Money
Groans | Music Puns | Pick-Up
Lines | Psychic Jokes |
| Religion Jokes | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Undead Jokes | Vampire
Puns | Vegan Jokes |
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