Work Jokes, Job Puns, Occupational Hazards 2

Work Jokes, Job Puns, Occupational Hazards
(Because Funny Job Jokes and Work Puns That Pay Off Could Never Be TOO Mainstream at the Office!)

Warning: Pick Your New Profession with Caution! Workplace humor, job jokes, and employment puns ahead.
| Job Jokes, Career Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Boss Jokes, CEO Puns | You're Fired Jokes, Canned LOLs | I Quit! Job Jokes | Crappy Job Jokes |
| Chef Jokes | Dancer | Doctor Jokes | Programmer LOLs | Shrink Jokes | Tailor | Teacher LOLs |

Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.

I used to be a tailor, but I found the work to be so-so.

99% of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.

Q. What do you get if you cross a programmer and a lifeguard?
A. A screensaver!

Code Fact of Life: Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.

Q. Why do Java developers wear glasses?
A. Because they can't C.

Q. Did you hear about the tailor who wore two jackets while painting the house?
A. The instructions on the can said to put on two coats.

Q. How did the blue tailor die?
A. He comitted sew-i-cide.

Q. Why did the tailor become a lawyer?
A. So he could sew their butts.

Q. What would happen if you took the school bus home?
A. The police would make you bring it back!

Q. What do you call a music teacher with problems?
A. A trebled man.

Q. Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A. To reach the high notes.

Q. Where did the Psychiastrist eat lunch? A. Kentucky Freud Chicken

Cheesy Pun: She quit her job at the donut factory because she got fed up with the hole business.

Chef's girlfriend was grate in many ways, but she had a temper that boiled, was half-baked, and was extremely kneady.

Q. What did the shrink say to the man with an elephant on his head?
A. You have a lot on your mind.

Q. Why did the mathematician send the expression to the psychiatrist?
A. Because it wasn't rational.

Q. What happens if a psychiatrist and a prostitute spend the night together?
A. In the morning, each of them says, "$200 Please."

This pun has nothing to do with cheese, but that's not the hole story. Now she lives in Wisconsin and is gainfully employed!

Q. Which music genre do cheesemongers especially eat up?
A. R'N Brie.

Q. Which is a cannibal's favorite party snacking cheese?
A. Limp-burger.

Did you hear about the chef who had mushroom for improvement? He was a fungi, but of questionable morel character.

Q. What happens when two chefs have a cooking contest?
A. The heat is on!

Q. What does it take to be a great chef?
A. It boils down to beating the other chefs to the cutting edge recipes.

I used to be a butler, but decided that wasn't my cup of tea.

Mad as I was, I didn't give the brain surgeon a piece of my mind.

Doctors tried to save him with an I.V. but, their efforts were all in vein.

Q. What do you call a talkative tea?
A. Chai Tea!

Q. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea?
A. Because ice was water before it was cool.

Q. Which kind of tea scares defense lawyers?
A. A Guilt-Tea verdict.

Q. What kind of tea do cops prefer?
A. Police brew tally tea.

Did you hear about the shrink who spent a long weekend at a winter psychologist convention in Aspen? On Monday morning, he reported that he'd never seen so many Freudian slips.

Patient: Doctor, you've got to help me. I think I'm a kleptomaniac.
Shrink: Don't worry. There's something you can take for that!

I don't find doctor puns funny now that I have don't an irony deficiency.

Q. What kind of doctor works on a cruise liner?
A. A Dry Doc!

A doctor tells a guy he has a bad heart. The guy says, "I want a second opinion." So, the doctor says, "You're ugly, too."

Marathon runners with bad footwear, suffer the agony of da feet.

Groaner Joke: I Used To Be A Tap Dancer, Until I Fell Into the Sink!

Marathon pun readers suffer in agony, as well.

Q. Why did the barber win the race?
A. He took a short cut!

Q. What did the blonde runner drink when she was in last place?
A. Ketchup.

Q. What do runners do when they forget something?
A. They jog their memory!

Q. Why do dogs make crappy dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet!

Q. How many dance teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five, Six, Seven, Eight...

Q. What did the ballet dancer say when she lost her shoes?
A. Oui, this is pointeless.

Q. What do ballerinas run on?
A. Batterie power!

Medical Joke Point to Ponder: Do gnome doctors still make house calls?

Q. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A. A URLologist.

Q. What do you call a plastic surgeon famous for leaving no scars?
A. A smooth operator.

Patient: Doc, I've swallowed a spoon!
Doctor: Please sit down, and don't stir.

You're still laboring away, so here's even more really boss humor,
break room jokes, and payday painful puns that always work:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

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