Q. What do you get if you cross a doll with some ketchup, honey, mustard and onions in Kansas City?
A. Barbie-que sauce.

Q. What's the worst thing about salsa dancing?
A. Getting the tomato stains out of your clothes afterward.

Q. How do you host the best pig roast ever?
A. You go whole hog!

I love dogs! Especially with some BBQ sauce...

Fun Foodie Fact of the Day: An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away!

Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?
A. A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eye!

Food Fact of the Day: Onion rings are actually the donuts of the vegetable world!

Did you hear about the new GMO onions that make you laugh? Wow, when did Colorado cannabis growers perfect "Bermuda Smiles?"

Q. What do you get if you accidentally spill chicken broth on a comic book?
A. Souperman!

Customer: Waiter, what is this?
Waiter: It's bean soup.
Customer: I don't care what it's been. What is it now?

Q. Why did the chef stir parsley into his pureed tomatoes?
A. Because it's soup herb!

Customer: Waiter, this food tastes funny.
Waiter: Then why aren't you laughing?

Did you hear about the British cannibal who enjoyed dining on fish and chaps?

Q. What does a chef call it when he runs out of seafood for his famous chowder?
A. A clam-ity!

Q. Which kind of fish swims in hot oil?
A. Battered fish sticks. And, this is exactly what happens to fish that dropout of school! Yum!

To learn how to properly cook Japanese food, the chef bento-ver backward.

Q. What did the garlic say to the vampire?
A. Wanna pizza of me? You coward!

Fun Food Fact That Adds Up: An opinion without 3.14 is just an onion!

My girlfriend had tears in her eyes when I asked her to marry me. In retrospect, it might be because I proposed with an onion ring...

Q. Why does Mr. Potato Head need a cell phone?
A. In case Miss Onion rings.

Today's After Dinner Treat: If you believe the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming a bit too high.

Q. Which kind of wild onions have rhyme and rhythm
A. Rap scallions.

Did you hear about the onion family that perished? They will dearly be minced...

Culinary Tip of th Day: A lot of casual cooks cry when peeling, slicing, dicing or mincing onion. The trick is not to become emotionally involved.

Q. What did garlic say to gal pal onion?
A. Ya know, boyfriends are cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Life is like an onion. You peel off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.

Q. What are small, white, round and often giggles?
A. Tickled onions.

I'm not sure if you're crying because these puns are so painful, or if it's because I'm mincing an onion?

Did you hear that Dracula collapsed after dining on a guy who ate garlic at the salad bar? Just another victim of Buffet, the Vampire Slayer.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite soup?
A. Scream of chicken!

Q. Which fruit do skeletons like to snack on?
A. Spineapple.

Q. What happened after the chef opened the refrigerator door because he heard green onions singing a Bee Gees song?
A. He realized it was just chives talking.

My smartass friend said onions are the only food that could make you cry, so I threw a coconut at him...

Q. What can a crappy cook make using baked beans and onions?
A. Tear gas.

A lot of people cry while chopping onions. The trick is not to get so emotionally attached to your dinner.

Q. Which hobbit always has onion breath?
A. Lord of the Onion Rings.

Q. What did the chicken say to the piece of toast?
A. Just get bready to c-rumble!

Q. What's it called ii you burn your bread?
A. Loafing it too much!

Bakery Tip of the Day: Learning how to bake a cake is easy. It's just mind over batter.

Q. What does a baker do at night?
A. He tells bread time stories.

Q. Why did the bakery hire so many apples?
A. There was a lot of turnover!

Snack Food Point to Ponder: Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?

Q. What happened to the dancing pirate who went to the seafood-themed disco?
A. He pulled a mussel.

A guy took a first date to the local beanery for dinner. She was immediately inflatuated!

Q. What do you call an angry legume?
A. Grump pea.

Greasy Point to Ponder: Is a short order cook just a flash in the pan?

Q. What did the dill say to his sweet pickle?
A. Pucker up!

Q. What do you call haunted yogurt?
A. Paranormal Activia.

Q. Where do onions and shallots go to have a few drinks?
A. The Salad Bar.

Q. Which horse did the ranch onion ride?
A. The scallion.

Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?
A. A fine piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye!

Q. Which vegetables are a plumber's favorites?
A. Leeks.

We'd tell one last Painful Pun about slicing onions, but it would have you in tears...

Q. What does corn say when you compliment it?
A. Ah, shucks!

Q. How is an ear of corn like an army?
A. Both have a lot of kernels.

Q. Why do farmers play smooth jazz out in the corn field?
A. 'Cause it's easy on the ears.

Point That Health Food Chefs Ponder: Why isn't thyme used in medicine? After all, thyme heals all wounds.

Q. What do termites call the wood on some dining furniture?
A. Table food.

Q. How can you tell if a French restaurant is haunted?
A. It gives you the crepes.

Q. Why did the guy break up with his watermelon vendor girlfriend?
A. Because she was always so melon-dramatic about everything!

Q. What is a monster's favorite snack food?
A. Ghoul scout cookies.

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite Thanksgiving side dish?
A. Grave-y.

Did you know that good gravy is baste on turkey drippings?

Did you hear about the guy at Cape Canaveral who wanted to make a sandwich? He just flew off to buy some launchin' meat.

Q. What's fast, loud, and crunchy?
A. A rocket chip!

Q. How did the food critic describe manna from above?
A. It's Heavenly!

At lunch, the three little pigs ordered off the vegan menu, but Mary had a little lamb.

Q. What do you call it if a criminal is being fed awful sheep meat while in jail?
A. Mutton for punishment.

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